Leaving completly

                 I might be moving out of Pickerington. After six years of living in our perfect house with Jon, a picture perfect memory now we are finally moving completely away. I thought that after the heaviest blow, maybe the world would stop trying to bury me in the ground. It hurts to see Jon, not because he's with another woman, I don't honestly care, but because hes settling for less then he deserves. It's like he forgot completely about us for his new life. We used to be able to just talk so long, politics, world issues, money, family, we could talk about it all. I don't know if hes ignorant about me or pretending to be but hes just left me entirely. I look across the room to see him laughing with his new family while all I see is the same smile he wore while looking at me. I've never had someone who would sacrifice so much for me, not even my real dad, but maybe I overestimated him. I don't want to see him unhappy but for my sake I don't want to see him anymore. No ones ever hurt me this much and he's not even doing this to me intentionally. So maybe this move is everything I need. This town is full of yuppies anyway.

        This town is a good town, good as in it has money; thus the kids here are spoiled yuppies with money to blow, no one here gives two shits about anyone as long as they have the trendiest bag and the tightest ass. I'm a really down to Earth person, but in a town were people don't have to fight for it, but get everything they want, they have no character. Me and mother would always walk past Build-a-bear workshop and when she said no she'd always say 'tough, it builds character.' Now this finally has some meaning to me so thank you mom for being so honest to my face.

         So we've been looking for a new house. That's right. House. But being that we want an excellent school district we might end up in a townhouse apartment. Yahoo~ Disappointment builds character~ However, the aura of yuppieness is the same as Pickerington as in the new town we're looking at. Joyous. But as long as its a good school district, its better than Pickerington.

Cookie

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUOsR0gyY5g&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Cotton ball challenge!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4UNDT3uouKA&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Sadness D;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PN1yMugt02U&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Forsaken Saints

Bonjour! This is the epilogue of the story so please enjoy! Also, I'm in need of an editer so if anyone is interested my emails at the bottom.

Also, if you're an author or just a reader, I'm interested in making a blog page with a few other people to promote each of our stories together, write together, write fanfictions and roleplay. It'll be really fun so if you're interested PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE shoot me an email!

GatoRawrLuv@gmail.com
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     The pale moon cast an eery glow through the thick inky clouds of an oil painted November sky, dangling like a rosery from a popes neck. The night was thick with silence. The only twinkles of life were the Mosaic stars watching over the slumbering. And yet, a man hurried through the dead streets with two sleeping infants huddled in a wool blanket in his arms. Your eyes as of this chapter of the story? He goes by the classical Russian name Dietrich.

       Dietrich ran as fast as his legs would carry him, lungs heaving. He inhaled in sharp, shaky gasps. The crisp cold air made his olive skin numb. Blue marble eyes sneaked down to the two baby girls tuckered in his arms and his gaze automatically softened. One opened her night sky blue eyes, reflecting every star as they glistened. "Cella? Not sleepy anymore?" His eyes shifted to her sister. Her eyes peeled open, warm caramel eyes stared dazedly up and met his, sparking with sweet tenderness. They were twins. However, they were as different as night and day, Sun and moon. From the colour of thier eyes to thier appitite "You're not tired either Vedette?" He paused in the snow slicked street. "Please sleep you two. It will be better if you do I promise." The two blinked and snuggled back into their hiberntion. He let the corners of his lips tug into a smile and returned his attention back to the empty street of the old aging neighborhood. The decaying victorian styled houses all grimaced at him, wishing him be gone. However, he was aware the circumstances at stake if he didn't make heist. Time was inescapable, ticking away lives, quite literally in this sense. The weight in Dietrichs chest was immense, with each frantic step the anchor grew heavier and harsher to preserve. His throat was tightening into a knot like a cobra around its prey, squeezing the life out of him. But the warmth in his arms reminded him his senses and he kept going.

      Dietrich was having a rendezvous of a sorts, or what was one but with new information he was heading toward his doom; his spirits doom, and he was unaware but only that the two toddlers he carried were in danger. If he did or didn't make it. The crunching of his boots in the snow slowed and he halted, the old oak by the withered stop sign at the corner, he recognized it. It pointed the way he must turn into the (coldisack) The house loomed in the shadows of clustering scraggly trees, dead from the season. He paused to catch his  breath, his own excuse to pause and contemplate turning around and running. Dietrichs voice said in a secure tone. "Almost there, don't worry." to the sleeping infants, but he knew it was to calm his own nerves.

     The dwelling was none different than the rest; dark, decaying victorian houses with a narrow chimney, cricked to the right. He held his breath before taking the first few steps up the weathered white patio. It was lit dimly by a single porch light. Dietrich felt the suspenseful feeling of his stomach knotting that you did when the heroine goes up to grandmas porch with a basket of goodies, but the audience knew the story too well, that inside he'd find the once pleasant welcoming feeling was replaced by the greed of another. Nonetheless he'd take that chance. Dietrich huffed out and twisted the doors knob. Locked. Mumbling a few words under his breath he tapped the door knob, paused, and twisted it open with ease. No signs of life. Something he'd expected. Looking into the house was like looking into the remains of a natural disaster, compared to an old photo. He remembered a sun bathed room with a grand piano in the center of the vast room, perfect for entertaining guests. Returning to reality it was a dark empty room painted grey. A dreadful scene, the  darkness pulled each, once wanderfully bright room, into a sadistic scene from a sad 1920s grey scale movie. Dietrich sighed. This almost foreshadowed in a metaphorical manner everything. He hated that it was right.

       Looking down at the carpet 'welcome home' rug he inwardly scoffed. Hell if he, much less anyone felt welcome here. As a guest, of a sorts, he had to find his hosts. Ready or not here I come. Dietrich strode through the hall in steps light as a cloud, running his finger across the faded wall paper, peeling it. He pulled it off like a bandage without a second thought. Ooops.

       Vedette scolded him for waking her, mumbling gibberish and pumping her fists dazedly, his heart jumped into his throat and he cooed to her. "Vedette hussshhhh nae? Must be quiet." He laid his index finger over his lips. The infant shied away, huddling back down and watching patiently. He peered up the steps, perhaps they were in their room? Cleché much? Putting a caseous foot on the steps made him uneasy, the steps whined with every bit of pressure. But Dietrich was a 'guest' here. Regardless of how much noise he didn't make, they'd known he was here before he stepped foot in the neighborhood. Creaking his way up the steps the weight in his chest grew heavier, he was a fly being pulled in by a hungry spider. The anchor pulled him deeper down but Vedette's radiant brown eyes were his only comfort and he watched them stare back until he made it to the top.

'Ok, its just down the hall. But I don't hear any noise. Perhaps...'

       Stepping forward toward the room he paused hesitantly, half expecting a booby trap, or his foot to burst into flames. Silence hung in the air like cobwebs. Dietrich swallowed, walking toward the door. Why was every door closed? One more suspenseful noise that would make him feel more off edge. Once at the door he tugged at the door knob and voilà, it opened without any need of 'magic.'

      And there they were, smiling calmly at him, lounging in cushioned chairs like they were just waiting patiently for a doctor. He felt his heart throb liquid anxiety through his veins, he wove his fingers around the wool tighter and reminded himself to not show fear.

"Ah, you made it Dietrich. The girl-" Matzia stepped toward him with her arms opened to Cella and Vedette but his eyes pierced colder than ice and she looked toward her husband. His gaze lay on his brother. They looked so alike, pale porcelain skin, inky black locks and sharp blue eyes. The only difference was the fear in Dietrichs eyes and the superior look in his brothers.

"Kendel told me everything. I'll have them in my keep now where is it!?" Their clown makeup smiles smudged into deep frowns. The petite woman sat down in her chair and nodded to her husband.

     He stepped toward Dietrich with slow careful steps. His sapphire eyes matched Dietrich's, but compared to his brothers fraught gaze his eyes took on those of a keen snake.

     He licked his lips before parting them to speak. "Thank you for bringing them to us Dietrich. But we will be leaving soon so as their, 'uncle' please take care of my children while were gone." He stung the word uncle, his eyes roamed Dietrichs face for a reaction. "Hmmm? I know I'm their uncle? What are you getting at Otis!?" He glanced down to Vedette, she couldn't understand but she stayed silent. "Dietrich I know you've seen it. Look at them!" His low chuckle made Dietrich flinch, echoeing the room. "Only ONE, of the children you hold are my kin. The other is, well their both quite 'unique' aren't they! But being apart of the Violetsia family that's a given so, my advice to you is to look carefully or you might miss something." Dietrichs eyes were wide, a bead of sweat trickled down his brow. The cobra wrapped around his throat pushed every breath out of him. Vedette's eyes shown up to his like the breaking of dawn, he wished he could smile back.  He parted his lips to speak but he couldn't form the words. His brother only nodded and went on.

"Oh, and I know they will need it so here. Kindel knows well how to form them. But the choice is yours whether to keep them in the dark or not, you'll be their new guardian right? I'd expect only that from you." Otis tossed Dietrich the syringe, the thick inky red liquid made him cringe, holding a gag. All the while his wife had been drawing hieroglyphs in chalk on the pale wooden floor. It took him by surprise how much his attention had been focussed on his brother he neglected her presence entirely. But as he traced the hieroglyph marks with his eyes he gasped. This hieroglyph. His eyes darted to his brothers as he met his wife in the middle of the circular sketchings. They looked like a wedding cake topper.

     The cobra snapped and Dietrich found himself on his knees gasping. "Why put the mark on them if-" He hacked and choked up the rest. "It was my choice?"

     His brothers tidal wave eyes pounded through Dietrich, cocky belittlement. But his face shown only a soft, genuine looking smile, thus rendering his emotions unreadable.
"Because I want to see you struggle. I know you won't let them be apart of the Náitèrian if you had something you could do about it. So with their marks you will be reminded of their actual race."

      He wanted to scream and hug Otis; find out this was all a joke and the act would be over soon but the cricked smile staring held him from dreaming. His lips parted but he'd lost his voice. In books they say this happens when you're 'beyond words' or 'breathless' but it wasn't at all like that. It was more like the words wanted to come but he was being choked my his own hands.

     Pushing a strand of hair out of his eyes he went on with an expression matching his wifes. "For what it's worth Dietrich, I think you'd make a great father to them, nae?" His wife hummed a calm laugh, it lit up like a candle on a rainy day. All darkness ran to its corners and the warmth brought peace to all around her. For that split second he saw Vedette in her. The pleasant happiness in her eyes twinkled like a star in the ocean of the night sky. He hacked down, seeing Vedette and Cella from the corner of his eye watch him. Cellas eyes trickled tears down her pale cheek but Vedette was hushed, watching.

       Otis cleared his throat and Dietrich pulled his head back up. "Well, it is certain to say we will meet again Dietrich." He smiled, showing his canines. Before parting his lips to even take a breath Dietrich was at him, dagger in hand he raised it above his head and with a vigorous down pull he'd planted to knife deep into his shoulder, and darted out of the circular hieroglyph. His brother gasped, and stumbled back. Fingers wrapped around the handle and he pulled, jerking it free. He examined the bloody dagger and let it slip through his fingers and hit the ground. Crimson ribbons trailed down his maim and cheek but with an easy stroke he wiped it away, his face shown irritation but no hint of pain or shock.

"That's not a nice departing gi-"

"Stop the cocky sarcastic front Otis it's pissing me off! What are you even gaining by doing this!? Leaving your children to do what!? Tell me you son of a bitch!"

Dietrichs jaw set tightly, blood boiling with frustration  But he was desperate to understand.

       Matzia nodded to him and he turned his gaze to his brothers. But it looked real, his eyes looked tired and withered, his frown hung limp and he sighed. "I'm not leaving them to you because I want to, but because they need to grow into something I can't give them. Whether its good or bad, things must unfold to their will. Depending on what they become."

     Otis stepped forward out of the circle, Dietrich braced himself, but he walked past him, almost ghostly toward Vedette and Cella on the floor. Dietrichs eyes followed his brothers frail frame as he knelt down to the infants. He said a few things to them, taking Cella in his arms she just smiled radiantly and held his sleeve, giggleing when he pecked her fore head. Vedette watched until he put Cella down and picked her up, hugging her into his chest. Dietrich couldn't hear his brother nor see Vedettes face. He felt his jaw fall into a gape, tears raceing down his cheeks. What has his brother become? Why was he doing this? Just as thoughts flowed he snapped back to the sad scene, his brother turned toward him, the cocky mask had slipped back on and he strode past him like nothing happened.

       Dietrich's hand flew toward his brothers arm and he held him there. "You didn't answer me. Why?"

     Jerking his arm back he didn't turn to make eye contact. But his voice was firm. "We all have secrets." And with that he met his wife once again with his hand pressed to his shoulder and the other to the back of his neck. She greeted him with her perfect smile, turning to Dietrich to spread the rays of happiness.

"Good bye for now." Even with tears in his eyes he scoffed, it was hard not to want to hurt her but he stayed with his feet planted into the floor. Saying the words under his breath the hieroglyph beamed ivy rays through the room, making his eyes sting. The floor boards took on an image, blades of grass sparkling and swaying in the sunlight of a summer day. There in Dijon France it was a harsh winter. In the distance there was a body of water that reflected rays of sun and plump floating clouds. Dietrich felt like a hard rock, numb and cold to the core as he watched the beam disappear in a flash and their bodies turn limp, crashing to he ground. The room returned to its light ridden, brisk state, Dietrich only stared numbly where the shells of their souls lay like dead bodies.

     He knew this Arté too well. An Arté of great power that transports the true users as the mirror images, or shells, lay decoy. The chalk circle left no trace. Easy cleanup.

       Dietrich let a sigh slip past his lips and he turned to the girls on the floor, their wool blanket lay disheveled and they unharmed. Making his way to them he knelt down, Cellas expression was sorrowful, she watched her fathers 'body' lifeless and let out a shriek as her eyes flushed pink. Vedette met his eyes, pained, her eyes trickled with tears too but she only watched him. His heart ached as he watched them cry for their father, he let the tears take over. The bitter sweet sadness streamed down his face, purging the betrayal he felt through hot tears. Calming himself he pieced his senses back together and double took when his eyes laid upon the syringe. Clenching his teeth Dietrich scooted to it and took it, he knew the girls would need this but he didn't want to be the one to prick them with it. Regardless he pulled up the still crying Cellas shirt, finding her mark immediately. The mark was only as big around as a quarter but with their time ticking almost gone they'd radiated a vibrant red. He took the syringe and pricked her skin, too lightly for her to feel but he winced as he pushed half of the thick red liquid into her side. The mark slowly dimmed out until it was gone. Turning to Vedette he repeated this for her side too. But she whined as she saw it go into her skin.

        Dietrich tossed the glassware carelessly to the side and folded the girls into the blanket again and found the will to stand. He didn't feel numb anymore, but now he felt awakened. He knew what he had to do and felt he had no time to waist. He had to raise them in the holyest place he could. Rome Italy.

  

Watch "Ending of Orchestra class is eloquent" on YouTube

Human instincts #2: mating

The art of mating, it is just reproducing but for us humans it has become something to show love. In the animal kingdom it can be a way to even show dominance over the rest of the pack. The only reason we need to mate is to reproduce but for us it is fun, the reason our body responds to it well, I think, so because our 'creator' obviously wants us to mate. And what better way to do something if you enjoy doing it? So again I prove that we are all just wild animals.

And I will go on to our 'mating call.' It is quite normal to see sexy woman or men in magazines, sex is everywhere. Mating, or sex is advertised everywhere from you blog, to your vogue fashion magazine to your everyday television. Company's are selling sex and we don't even know. Think about it. When you look in the mirror you want to see a sexy model with the latest clothes and coolest hair. And the underlying reason for this is because you want to be noticed, to be adored and admired. And that in itself is a mating call. The way you appear to others. This explains why when someone is aesthetically displeasing people respond to it by hating them. Because being in a 'pack' of beautiful people make you seem even more so.

Pride Fest

This yearfor Pride, I'm going with my mom, my great uncle Fred, mommy Jan, D.Q Roxie and Fried Kens. Excuse the 'absurd' nick names I just don't want to put names. This Pride I hope to be the best. Last year was my first year and it was too amazing to let my friends miss. I wanted them to taste that freedom, it sounds like another liberty story about gaining independence but in a way it is. Walking through that street with everyone's warm smiles, rainbows flashing, hearts warming in an event for us. 'We are proud and we won't let you stop us.' Its a feeling that overwhelms me. I feel invincible, I could conqour them all. I've had a bumpy road, but lately I just have this sense of self confidence. I feel on top of the world. I don't need diamond rings, name brand clothes, super fulfilling food, nope. I'm here to experience the world not hold some of it in my hand. So Pride isn't just a festival to me. Its a celebration that you didn't let them kick you down, that you held in for yourself. That's my pride.

Daddy

                                                                  June 21st 2013

        I don't know if my you'll ever see this daddy but I'm going to write my feelings out anyways. Maybe 'someday over the rainbow' when my angst blows over I might but I want you coming home to be positive.

       I am writing this the day after you came back. Because my emotions really can't be held in, because I want to be positive I don't think I want to tell you all this so here I go, the purge of my emotions. You coming back has brought so much anxiety. My biggest fear is that I've had grown up and you won't see me as your little princess anymore. That I won't be your special gem. I feel like the last time I saw you was just yesterday, memories and memories, like a film strip they play in my head and its the only thing that keeps me from hating you. Its like I'm loving the very thing that's made me so broken. But I won't go into that because it doesn't matter. I see being a little hurt or broken as an advantage. It shows us to appreciate what we have, who we have and what we can work for. If people never got hurt and got everything they wanted they wouldn't be compassionate toward others. They'd 'have' the world but not experience it. So even though I went through all this hurt, I don't mind it.

             But if there's anything I can tell you to make sure you don't hurt me any more is to not say sorry. Stop it please! I finally have you back and I know you're sorry but why don't you say 'I love you' instead? But please if anything, it tears me apart when your tell me how much I've grown. Remember when I said when you get back I'll be as tall as you? Well, to be honest I only grew an inch and a half taller. So much for that. It just reminds me all the time that's passed between us. I never ever want to spend that much time away from anyone ever. You going away hasn't just broken me but its brought out my appreciation for people being with me, the people around me. Some of them hurt me but I know they don't mean to. I would never mean hurt on someone else. Hurt is just another part of life. I'm not a little kid anymore but I don't want you to remind me.

I'm sure you're just a pained as I am, Chris is, Cullen, Grammy ect. But god just let everything from here go smoothly. Moms dating has made me really angry because no one could ever ever ever in a life time replace Jon and you. These guys she dates smile all happy and nice but in my heart I don't want to have them a chance. I've become such an antisocial person, I don't want to try to be with people sometimes because I don't want to try to make them like me any more. But I honestly think I'm at a self confidence level were I feel that no longer. I have everything that I need and certainly with you back everything that I want. Most of my issues started when mom and Jon broke up. I thought I'd lose Jon too. And maybe I am, he's dating too. Luna. She's very nice and good for him. I don't want to be selfish and tell him I want more time with him and away from Luna. Because he's already been put through so much, too much. Asking for more is selfish. I hope someday my children will meet you and Jon both. That maybe someday I can get over guilt and just let people know how I feel and what I want. But what I want is always kind of selfish so its best to tell people what they want to hear. But please daddy, I am hurt more than I let out so please just keep that in mind. I want you to be the one that knows when I'm bullshitting people about what I want. I've never been one to just ask for what I want and get it so its alien to tell people about my wants. But I hope I don't even have to let you see this because you'll just know. Don't be sorry. Be there.

Personality test

<div align="center"> <table style="color: black; background: #eeeeee"border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="2"> <tr> <td bgcolor="#eeeeee"> <div align="center"> MOTIV Personality Test Results

It's not worth even trying, much less saying whats wrong.

Make me the enemy. I must be the reason why. Or is it just easier to blame someone else for whats wrong? Maybe I do hold back, but unlike you I tried to keep things positive so that what I thought didn't bring the entire group down. We relate, we have the same issues, even now and you don't even 'realize' it. You know that feeling you have right now? Being alone in agroup full of people? Being forgotten in the conversation? I felt that way for so long. I felt like I had to exceed every expectation you had of me. You do that to everyone. You say you want to be friends and then you leave them too, but after you come back you expect them to stay with you and spend every moment with you, like you're the precious gemstone of the entire world.

The reason this is called 'its not worth trying, much less saying' is because that's how I feel about us. Its not worth fixing, much less going through everything that I felt and that went wrong. My only piece of advice to you is to look into yourself and find your flaws. Figure out what you did before people left.

The only reason its not worth going through it all ad telling you is because I'm over it. Good luck with it. I'm sure you'll just talk to Tori again so have fun.

My last day of eighth grade :T

Watch "Last day of school" on YouTube

Watch "Ending of Orchestra class is eloquent" on YouTube

Watch "After Ever After - DISNEY Parody" on YouTube

Lazer cat shirt

Another video by Megu at the Asian fest

Watch "Asian Fest!" on YouTube

Never forget your roots and where you started. No matter how tsll you are, you were once small

My fight against the world

We humans think that the  more one has e better off they must be. That if they have the best phone, house, skate board, girlfriend, you must have reached your goal in life cause you have everything. But underlying his wonderful things does he go to sleep at night with a sense of peace, humble happiness? The value in material has gone up for most people, being the most fashionable of your friends will not help you up the ladder of appreciation because they probably have just as much as you. It must be lust and greed and maybe even pride. I'm not one for religion however its values in a person and their, 'sins' is something I agree with, that lust, greed and price kill a man faster than a gun ever could. Pulling not his physical self into death but his soul, esteem and worth. If one has 'a heart of gold' then the term makes sense to me that the worth that person has is from within them.

How long will Prada bags last compared to parades with family? Or Gucci heels to bonfires with friends? I make it sound so obvious but most people read this, agree with my philosophy and act against it not out of hypocrisy but because they don't know better. Because the same force that brought them to buy the name brand purse or shoes is the same thing that brought them to close their mouths and keep their personality and heart locked up. I blame society's 'order'. People have to act in a certain way when outside of their homes. Have a certain poise, posture and presence. They have to be able to keep within the social standards or they have no worth. I blame this with a wrath, I see the flaws of society and speak against them but there is nothing to fix. For all the world can see, there's nothing wrong. There are no laws broken. Hearts though. Hearts are crumbled and thats why I hate these standards we must not fight. Because someone has a birthmark on their face, or likes the same gender, or just plain loves her dog then they are labled as weird and odd, to be cast away.

But of you look at history, it was weird, strange, odd, remarkable people who changed our world for the better. Lincoln went against slavery and was killed for it, Suffragettes went against unfair treatment of woman and got locked up for it. I am a very weird person but I don't think I should be punished for seeing the world at a different angle, wanting more out of it and more of the reality in people. Nothing made me this way. I might suffer but this sick society needs a wake up call and I shall give it one. Values have been lost to the social standards. I will spread my philosophy and wisdom and hope from the bottom of my heart it sparks fire in peoples hearts and they fight with me. What I fight for? Acceptance.

Choir rehearsal

Just me and some friends

Would you like a fish?

Watch "Lovely Asian Fest" on YouTube

My only advice to you on insecurities from my own experience

Watch "My take on insecurities" on YouTube

I am now even more narrowly unacceptable in society

Watch "My new hair" on YouTube

NEW HAIR

Thankful note #2

I found confidence enough to choose myself over them

Have to translate this

Tengo una pregunta muy importante... quieres salir conmingo

Gatos head is screwed on wrong

I've really had enough. Nothings wrong, everything is fine and its really great for once to just take a breather and be ok. But as one thing is once again put back into place, other things come undone. I promise you thtough after this overload of thoughts that have been clogging my brain hole, I will keep to a positive post a day.

Well then shall we begin? As I have said in other posts, I do not feel like I am a being, I have no personality. Well I wont repeat myself but that is the main issue. Not knowing who I'll be one day from the next. But thinking through solutions I found some I think will make this 'soul searching' much easier.

• Keep mind busy on hobbies (hobbies are what unlock inner thought, dreams, ideas and later on, conversations followed by feedback)
• Keep the image of your perfect self plastered in your mind. (If you figure out who you want to be it is easier to shape yourself from this into that.)
• Stay relaxed and listen to others, but for once contribute to the conversation :T

So there we go, good luck with that me! I speak as if I'm talking to another person because in a casual way I really am. I'm not bipolar and I don't have MPD (multi personality disorder) but let me explain that there are two differing sides of me that makes this all too happy and enjoyable (HAHA no.)

Omg huge hair fail

Watch "My scene hair philosophy :T" on YouTube

Me spamming my blog

Watch "Good mourning world!" on YouTube

Productive ness ftw

Watch "Hair dye, cello, and music...?" on YouTube

Touched my heart

Watch "To This Day (Against Bullying Poem) (Very Inspiring)" on YouTube

My first vlog on my YouTube channel

Watch "Gato is too cool to figure out a good name..." on YouTube

My science pals

Close up, sorry i am just in loof jeez~

How spend my study hall... planking?

I think i know what i want

I did some hard thinking on who I am and what I can provide for people and I think now I have an idea on what I want to be when i grow up. I want to go to college and major in hormone sciences of the brain and minor in phycology. I have never been too book smart but I've noticed two big traits I have are that I think a lot and from both good and bad sides of a situation. I look into the past of the villain to see why he would do such things he did, see what in his past triggered him to think that this was the only way. And as the hero defeats the villain I want to be by his side to build him up into his own hero. But with my own past and issues it would be hard to not be hurt by their pain, so a job with this intended will not always be easy. I don't want to be a theropist but I think someone who gives people with depression, anxiety, trauma, multi personality disorder or anything burdening them like that I think I am more than good for that role. Either that or someone like a phycologist who does studies on human behavior, hormones that trigger things and emotions in someone or how past trauma and science combine to create a persons personality. Perfect for me, I've done much thought and don't worry, I won't give up my art. Most people say I should be an artist but to be honest I don't think my role in life is to make something I put my heart into and hope it appeals to others. Bit for my sake, cello, animation and anime will always be apart of me.

My daddy

Jon means the world to me, I have the most deep conversations with him, he sees me as his equal and we joke around. But above that he's always the one looking out for me even when I didn't notice or want to be. I am happy to say I think me and my daddy have better lives even despite the heart breaking divorce. It wasnt so much as the divorce but mostly just being foiled from him and the good place we had that was so sad and hard for me. But today I realized that a bad thing turned out for thr better. I was mostly afraid that honestly I'd lose him, he's not my biological father so he could've ran away and I would've never seen him again if he so wanted to. Call it what ever you like, but I think I was fated with him, even if him and my moms realationship was not.

My may dance dress

Personal imperfections

Who am I and what have I become? Sounds like a cliché line from a movie or in a book, but these are the kind of thoughts that have been triumphantly intruding my thoughts and holding me back. I try to see who I have become and what I want to fix but I feel like I'm too far in to reprogram myself at this point. I don't want to be one of those people who are helpless and can't help themselves. But at this point I will be honest I have become a rude, selfish, bastard who doesn't think for herself and burrows in her own mind, never to release the held tension and thus I am a ticking bomb always. I never thought I'd go into the summer of eighth grade feeling so literally empty. I don't know what I am, what I like, who I want, what I fight for and why I even fight. I'm a bag of bones who drags others down. And don't think for one second this is self pity. This is me explaining that I feel I have forgot me, I do not pity myself I am just utterly confused, desperate, and I feel like its too late to go back. Like a criminal who has seen the light of his actions and regrets it all in one faul swoop of greif but he knows for now and forever he can't rewrite his wrongs. I have already tried desperately and each attempt ends in anxiety and failure. How am I going to hold myself together? I don't want to sound like some dramatic freak, I just need to do some more tough thinking. Do I create a new personality entirely from nothing? Or do I work to change my faults and keep my good? Point me in which direction, I need help. I will be honest Megu if you read this I am not by any means ok. I don't know how you could help, because I dont know what I need. But if I can sort myself out or not please just be here with me, you make me nothing but happy and I always have admired you. So just stay.

Be positive. Fake it to make it right?

I have to admit shamefully that my worst treat is that I forget an never forget so I always have regret. When I look at my last I can never forget the way I felt and the things I've done. Looking toward the future was a little hard for me, I don't want to look at what 'could've' been anymore and look at what can happen in the future. Fake it to make it right? I've basically evaluated whats wrong and what I need and am trying to change for the better. I am avoiding a good post gone bad right now but I need to address that I have been going through an amount of personal issues regarding my own personality. Everything I've been through has caused me to not work on myself, I lost contact with my friends, and in one simple swoop forgot me. But that is what I'm trying oh so desperately to change, I need t find myself again. Its too much to explain and quite frankly this post is supposed to be a positive one so I will not bore it up.

Birhday Cake~

Thankful note #2

Today was really sunny and happy, things went their own way but today I felt that i went my own way and I was ok with it

Pressure to achieve

High school is the start of adulthood when you think about it if you do great on a college will love you and you have a better life through better college. So I'm taking Freshmen year maybe a little too extreme but I need to do not just good but the greatest. I am taking French, Orchestra, extra science, and AP English so I think for my electives I did pretty OK. I ant to got talk to the counciler about switching from French 2 to Intro to computer graphics and programming, sounds really good for me. I'm excited an scared. Its like a song in my heart, pulling me through mixed emotions

human instincts #1

Humans are really just animals that never sees to keep learning, building, creating and destroying. We think of ourselves as a smarter being but when you look at the facts its quite obvious that we are as much a beast as a bear or a rabid dog. Shall we examine the physical attributes? Our hair for example is our `hide` in which we use to build our social status, further surviving and becoming top on the pyramid of power. Cooler you look the better your chance of surviving. On another note our `packs` or our friends, being in a pack is your best chance of surviving and just like different breeds of animals there are different types of people, nerds, jocks, populars, emos, and artists. Having no group is s no exception in this game of life we all fall into. Some rare few don't fit and look around, its true isn't it? They are the ones without a table to sit at, partner to work with or someone to giggle with. We have eyes but we are simply blind, torn from the image only to fall for the allusion that we ourselves have created.

 However this system of beliefs and standards does not seem to be at all changing and never will. All hail to the invisible ruler of our desitions, and let him forever push all chance of true self accomplishment. Further more this explains how when a he born lion cub doesn't abide by our packs standards it gets punished and banished from the group. We tell ourselves we would be there for them, that we are the ones who care for the weak but truth does not cover fact. Not doing anything for the lion cub is as murderous as banishing it yourself.

On to our next feature, emotions. If not for tears you could be with holding your emotions and later on out them at risk. A persons eyes are a gateway into their heart I once heard. Well I believe this is so. They say if you are lieing that your eyes twitch to the right because the right side of your brain holds all creativity and thus you are thinking for a clever excuse.

Thankful note #1

I'm thankful that me and Megu can relate on so many things. I've truthfully aways admired her and it meant a lot that she could understand what I was saying and feeling

My list of improvments

• Need to procrastinate less
• Stand up for myself more
• Study French more
• Practice cello at least two hours a day
• Be nicer to mom and she'll be nicer to me (mostly sorta pfft no)
• Be more conscientious at Jon's house
• Stop taking BS from people and give them a punch of my reality
• Stop being so shy, making friends is hard when you're shy and way out going like WTF
• PLAY TENNIS MOOOREEE LOLOLOLOLOL MEGU CHAN IS WAY AWESOME UGH I SUCK!!!
• Start Rick Rolling peoples minds

And there you have it if I had all this I think I'd be a better person and better to deal with ^-^

My birthday shall be so wonderful

Oh my god guys! Guess what I'm doing this year! It's better than any ipad or laptop or new clothes or gift card I could receive! This year on May 28th I'm going to go see Of Monsters and Men live at the LC in Columbus for my birthday with my mom or dad (still haven't chosen)

Oh my goodness talk about dreams coming true! Of Monsters and Men is my favorite band and will always be! I am squealing with joy in my heart right now! I sound so stupid, other kids would ask for a puppy (seriously Gato!? Best example?)  Or Ipads, bleh bleh bleh bleh BLEEEGH!!! >.<

NAH! I ask for tickets

like a BAU45 (pewdiepie reference)

My future self and my goal

         So my daddy is coming back this in July, and I am so relieved. I need him, all this stress and hard ship came after he left and all I want is someone who will always be there. He always supported me through out everything, he had a fondness for my art and anime. I think if he had been here for the last two year I would've been a lot better off but that's in any situation. 

            But I am not sad, I think that if I had not gone through these hardships then I would not have been carved into the person I am today. I would most likely be a selfish snob because nothing went wrong and I got everything I wanted. But for the sake of my future self I will tell you what I hope for my future to entail. 

            Living some where in Italy or France, I want to wake up to the sun shine streaming in through my windows with my special someone lying next to me. Our townhouse condo or house will be right on the street so I can walk out side and right down the block is a bakery where I could buy breakfast while my lovey is still asleep and leave it for him/her. Making my way toward the subway I greet many of my wonderful neighbors, piles of smiles as I make my way to my creative job. I do not let know what I want to be when I grow up, but my thoughts are here...

Editor 

Cellist

Analyst 

Councilor

Brain/hormone study scientist 

So une of those cinq careers really, I have too much to choose from it's so uuugh! Anyways lets move on~

          I want to look on each day with loyal morals and reality in the back of my mind about everything. I will never lie to myself, some people have a weird thing were they must tell themselves they are happy, or change their opinion to better their place in society. I don't need to better myself in any way other than being me. Lying to yourself is the worst thing you could do to yourself. But I do too often even now. I tell myself I wont let people step on my, that I will be bold enough to be better at being me but everyone shines brighter and my light flickers out. I guess it's something I'll have to grow into but even when I'm with my own friends its hard not to feel like I'm becoming invisible. Confidence is the key to not blipping out and I think I have it but I don't know. Either way you catch my drift, I want to be the person I never could be. As does everyone though.

   However I go on. I don't want to stay still though, I want to live some where for about a matter of a year to two years, from Italy to Chicago to South Korea and Canada. I think it's a simple dream in a way, I mean everyone wants to travel the word with the ones they love don't they? To experience new exciting cultures and be amazed every day. However, this is not just my dI might even have to fight for it but I KNOW I wont let anything stop me but myself. I know I deserve hapiness finally, if I couldn't have it now, then why wouldn't I be able to get it later? Don't worry be happy, you only live once so I want to make it count for once. ream, it's my life goal. I will work through all this garbage to get from here to that reality. I'll do whatever it takes. 

The feeling of being utterly useless will go away, my biggest fear and I think everyones fear is feeling like they don't matter to someone, but everyone needs to matter and fit in somewhere right? If there's anything you get out of me and my blog, please take with you the mind to know that you could never love someone too much. Show your affection as much as possible, some people need that extra push to believe that their actually lovable. And if you see someone hurting or on the side lines of a group event, don't assume their just alright. Bring them in as if it were you, you don't want to be left out do you? Nope.

Practice paid off

We had solo and ensemble the other day, it was very nerve racking. To have all you worked for judged. So let's begin at the week before Solo and ensemble. It was a very hectic week with big state wide tests coming up soon everyone had been feeling the pressure. And with this cooing up it only stirred my mind that much more. I practiced about three hours a day, which to just inform you is not actually as long as it seems when you must practice for something to this caliber. 

The day of it was actually kind of normal, wake up at ten, eat breakfast get ready, put the instrument in the car and take off. I didn't get nervous at all, until later on but that is to be told later. I showed up two hours early so I could watch my friends performances. But I missed one of theirs and now I'm sad (;c) Moving on, so my friend Nej's plays the clarinet and her ensemble was fantastic, I loved every bit of it :>

GOOD JOB GUUUUURL!!! 

-Ahem-

As people in our quartet began to show up, the crowds got busier. The clock was ticking closer and closer to our performance and we had been missing one person. Our lead violinist. We had stepped up in line to perform, only seconds away before we were in front of three judges awaiting our piece. Standing outside of the room, I felt strings inside me unravel like a sweater, the more and more time that ticked by the more the strings unraveled and so did I. I peered over to see Miss Steige, our Orchestra teacher. "We found her, she's here." She said calmly with a smile fixed upon her face. It was like a tug of energy, happiness and relief washed over me and we were ready to perform now. 

I will be honest, I never played that piece so well. I think the pressure made me that much better. After we finished my friends and I all walked out, receiving praise was really nice, after practicing so long and hard, the people I care about most said we sounded amazing. It was heart warming. Nej said we sounded beautiful and coming from her it meant so much to hear. We all put our things away and waited in the buildings lunch room for the results. All us friends together, I don't think anyone cared what we got, we knew we played our hearts out. Sitting together all laughing and enjoying each other I was just glad it was a fun day. We waited and waited and waited and finally the results were posted. Me and Megu raced to the score board, eager to see.

Even now I am amazed at the score we received. 

A one. We got a one. Zipping through the crowd to our friends we shared the news, jumping around, hugging everyone and EVERYTHING, giving high fives and... we screaming a lot xD Work pays off. We decided that wed all go to Nej's house and celebrate. Celebrate in our context is had a cookie throwing war and roll down hills. It was just a good day all over.

~Solo and ensemble this Saturday~

This Saturday I have my solo and ensemble for orchestra (I play cello) and I hope maybe I can get a video of us in the practice room but it might not be allowed :(

Lithulnia and Poland! I ship this so hard! But I might make a Rusliet one too >;D

PruFran BTT fan art :)

My final words as a friend to you, Cori

          This is just to specify a few things that, if not pointed out I feel our atmosphere would become abrupt. Harsh words were given and received and I feel that this climax in emotions needed to happen for me to see certain things in myself and about you. Being the strong one was never something I was born with, I always found myself reaching a hand out for help with a gleam of hope that it'd be held and someone would come to my rescue. But as I let this go on I found in myself how pitiful I was. But this past year has been hard on my but I can say that I've become stronger out of it. It's something only I can see I think, but baby step by baby step I want to become 'the hero' everyone dreams for. Someone loyal and with good morals. But when you are as messed up as me it can be hard to always see the light at the end of the tunnel.

      I think my hero is honestly Megu, see is what I'd say is the closest I've ever seen to a 'hero figure.' She is amirablely intelligent, her smile is contagious. Seeing a frown she will take it to heart and even with little things wipe it right off. Words can not express this enough to you Megu but you are every ones hero. I want to become more like you Megu, someone people can look up to (figuratively and literally)

       But back to the point, Cori I just needed to say that I wanted to be your friend, and share great things with you. But the more time I spent with you the more and more my emotions felt out of place, I would go home and cry, wondering why I went to school with a smile and a good aditude if everything I said was belittled. I still have my issues, but because of Megu and Nej now I feel I can stand on my own two feet and handle them myself. So I have to say I choose them over you. But even after our quell over Kik, I still felt a hint in my heart that I wanted the best for you, I hoped that even the 'bad guy' to this story had a happy ending. Wether out of our previous friendship or out of my caring nature I truthfully don't know but I hope even without me and Megu you see your flaws and bandage them up so people around you don't get so hurt like I did. I know some of your other friends felt at some time the same way I did, belittled. I dont want to be your enemy but I am not your friend. For the sake of others though I want to get along and I hope SOMEDAY we ALL get along like a big happy family.

This was me for a few months after I had to move outta my dads house. I lost all contact due to stress

Me when my crush lets me touch them

This is the PruFran picture I drew today :) Newest favorite shipping

My late realization at most odd of times

       "What is this all worth?" I found myself thinking in the middle of a sleep over with three of my friends. This thought hit me hard, I sat in the room being ignored as usual but this time I faced the truth and reality of my life. It wasn't the scenery or that I was being ignored but this scene gave me a small view of the bigger picture. To bring these thoughts to a common context my mind raged on "If I don't mean anything to the ones that mean everything to me, then what am I? Am a simply a waist of space hoping desperately to feel noticed? How am I supposed to look in this god forsaken world for some sense and meaning and purpose if I can't find peace in my own friends? These questions I ask myself are not easily understood to those who are not either deep thinkers, writers or those who find themselves often neglected by their peers.
       This is not a cry for help or attention and I am not like those who will mooch off of friends affection for my own selfish glory or what ever have you. But to look in on your life from the outside and see that I so alone in a room full of people that you have called friends for years. It's almost discouraging in a traumatic way.

      That sense to dare, and push away from people was never something I had a knack at. I never had the nerve to pick fights, and often take insults, mind it I don't but to see myself just take it proves to me that I really couldn't push away from them if I wanted. My mind tells me that I need better friends and to become more defined as a person enough to were I can hold my ground instead of take things and suffice through them. But my mind isn't wired well with my heart, my hearts brittle with neglect and bitter from pain, however I push through it because I don't want to find myself alone again, with no one to find value in me. But I let myself become this without even seeing it. Hidden behind masks to make sure I stay good with my friends has brought me to forget who I am and not see what I've become. The horror of looking into the mirror of reality and seeing something so somber and pitiful, yet the smile never fades because the act is never ending. I could never and never see my heart willing enough to rip off the mask covering my rotten heart, still beating but without a purpose, a heart beating without a soul I am only my physical body. Only a bag of bones. Like stated I wish my heart would follow my mind, thus turning me from a crumbling porcelain doll into a real being with a hear beat. But even with this reasoning I know I will never take it off. I'm stuck in the spider web I spun myself I am my own enemy and will always be my deadliest weapon.

     Through all this though I see a glint of my true self, the way I can read people like their an open book, the way I like to be close to people, it hurts to want to be close to someone but then never get half back. Heart breaking into splinters I prickle people without the meaning in mind and I get pushed away even further. 

      I did not write this in self pity but to express the thoughts to my future self (of maybe 20 years old) and giving her a glimpse in better depth of the hard akes, frustration, happiness, courage and self definition I went through so she could be who she is today. But I see a ratio of positive and negative posts leaning heavily toward negative posts so forgive me for that I need to see a brighter side if I ever do want out of my turtle shell of hurt.

Deviant Art Account: GatoLovesToBite

Chatango Account: Gatorawrrawr

Roleplay Republic Account: GatoBlehBleh

Science project on a cells life (Diary of a cell)

                                                                                                                                                           4/4/13

                     Dear diary,
                           
                It's maple tree branch cell again, today is a rather good day. No Canadians have tried to take my sweet maple yet, they'll never get my delicious maple! Mwaahahahaaaa! Well on another note, so today I woke up ready for my day, normal life of a cell right? But then it FINALLY happened! I split into two! The new little baby cell was very nice but a little confused, so of coarse I had to replicate my DNA chromosomes so he'd know his duties. Oh, I apologize for you don't know what I have to go through to split into another cell. Don't worry diary I'll tell you all the juicy details! 

               So first things first, before I start any of the 'fun' stuff I must go through interphase and my nucleus copies my DNA, or blue prints. My Nucleus is like my brain, it tells the rest of my body how to function and it's duties. So after that painful step in cell Mitosis I go through Prophase, where my Chromatin condenses into Chromosomes and my nucleus dissolves. Now I am ready for the next step! This step is less painful, but let me tell you it tickles a lot! I almost bumped into my neighboring cell because I kept jerking around. So in this step all the Chromosomes align to my center, so that in the next step, Anaphase they can be split into the new cell. And lastly, Telephase, were the cells Chromatin expand and my jelly Chytoplasm that holds everything together divides so me and the new little baby cell can have some. Much like this diagram I drew EVER so kindly for you! <3

              So that concludes all the steps of my splitting into another cell! Now let me tell you about my.......

Breaking my own fate

So I had some time of realization today.

 Lots of time to think and I've come to one conclusion about one problem in my life.

 My mother.

 We don't always get along and most of the time, I end up blaming it all on her. 

But today my mind brought me to the thought of karma.

 That maybe if I act great and welcoming toward her then I'll get the same in return.

 It makes me wish someone had told me this before, because half my stress is the stress I give myself so if I got rid of this it'd be THAT much easier to live through a day with my mother. 

Thanks Kat!

You're welcome Gato~

Gato's thoughts 6

She looks so strong, so happy. She walks into a room and spreads a contagious radiant smile that seems so unbreakable, who would want to though? People take advantage of the constant reassurance that she is fine, her smile couldn't be the burden that hinders her esteem, or the mask that keeps her from becoming close with people. No no, her smile is that of a truly joyful girl isn't it?

When the girl goes home though, it's an entirely different story isn't it? No story could end so happily could it?

She reaches out her hand, tears dripping into her lap. Somebody throws her a rope every so often, pulling her out of the ocean of tears and misery that she has lived in for so long. But the closer she becomes to people the more she wants to push them away before they push her away. Leaning on somebodies shoulder is ok for only so long before that other person titters and snaps, thus she only smiles and pulls up her walls. She lies to herself, tomorrow will be better won't it? I won't do this to myself again ever! I will be more optimistic won't I? Her mother though, seeing the girl smile brings her to cringe, thrashing at the girl, breaking her until her walls tumble down. Her heart rots with every passing moment alive. She cares too much for other people, more than herself, she's unconsciously against herself.

She feels that she is too good to end herself, but there's nothing stopping but the regret of seeing everyone around hers hearts being broken too. She knows she's cared for, but she doesn't want to be. Her mind is a jumbled mess, closeness to someone is what she needs but she can only push push push away everyone. 

I don't know if this is a cry for help, or me silently screaming my issues away. But I'd rather anyone who reads this, pretend it never happened.

<:~~Breaking Fate Update~~ :>

       Ok, so I WANT to keep doing my Breaking fate story but I really do need some constructive criticism. I shall ask my daddy to read all the chapters up until four but it would be appreciated if someone gave some advice :> Thank you all for reading it (all as in the only three people who even look at my blog) 

Some Elvin photo bombs, why does Eli make the apsolute weirdest faces?!

                                     OH NO YOU DIDN'T!!!!! *slaps Suhyun with a pancake*

I'm currently making a Kemaru fanfiction!!! Watch out for it, it is really sad in the beginning

but dont worry!!

It'l be super cute too!!











But yesh there is some suspenseful sadness

U-Kiss turned me gay xD

            I think this turned me gay for sure....xD Xander, Dongho and Kevin I absolutely love you

WHO'S PRETTIER?!?!?!       

  Jessica?        or         Princess Kevin?  

My Fan Fiction.net account

http://www.fanfiction.net/~gatorawrrawr

The stronger me

I showed my other side that I didn't even know existed. I snapped on this girl that has been causing many problems for me and my friends. I never knew how mean and aggressive I could get until I started talking to her last night.

I had been dealing with her being so mean, under bearing, apathetic and rude for so long. I'd been so patient with her and then out of the blue. I have become stronger with this but it really came as a shock to me how mean I sounded. I almost like it though because it shows that i can fight for something I believe in now and that I am stronger than I used to be. I just hope I become stronger with each thing I over come instead of crumble. I will NOT let myself come this far to let something tear me down any longer.

Breaking Fate Chapter 4

                                           "Good night Friedrick. Sleep well." Humi chirped. "You too Humi." Friedrick hummed in return, nuzzling the thin white sheet closer to his chin and turned his back to her. The train continued to trek down the tracks, trudging closer and closer to Humi's unknown fate.

                         She struggled to sleep, her mind was cluttered with thoughts of what the next day would hold for her. Maria, she missed her. Right about now Maria would always tuck her in warmly, then she would tell her stories and old legends. She fondly remembered one about a Queen from long ago. She loved her husband very much. But the evil King from far away yearned for her, lusted for her beauty. he entire kingdom did what it could to protect her. They put her in a glass ball to protect her but ended up weakening the poor Queens heart. Seeing her people fight for her made her feel helpless. Thus the queen made a secret deal with the King of the darkness. Take her and her heart, leave her people at peace.

                   Humi tried to envision the queen, and the people. The King must have been so sad, tears always welled up in her eyes when Maria told her the tail again and again at her request.She let a sigh
escape her as she turned to face the door and her mind flourished and pondered.




                     Crystal white snow hugged her toes like a blanket, a shiver trickled up Humi's spine but she ambled forth through the thickly scattered trees of a fairy tail like forest. The glowing moon light luminated her way, her way to who knows where. Moon guiding, it was her force, her will to find what was pulling her forward. This place almost seemed familiar, like a long forgotten memory locked away in a dusty attic, awaiting to be remembered. But this memory kept going on and on and had its own aura that made her want to run away from it. She searched for the reason she was brought her until her curious eyes shined upon the sight of a particular glow in the distance. Humi halted her steps and stared back at the soft green glow that bobbed in the air patiently. The odd feeling of eyes on her irked her and she found herself walking toward it, then breaking into a run. She ran as fast as her legs would carry her but the soft glow bolted away, teasing her. A game of tag!

                 
          Nearing the burst of light she leaped for it eagerly, being pulled into its gravitational pull she was plucked off the ground and her body was carried along side the strange being. Her eyes were filled with wonder, but fear under lied her emotions. Humi pushed back the emotion and reached her arm out to touch the oddly welcoming thing. It almost had a heart beat, the steady rhythm of warmth within it grew the longer her hand was placed there. Humis eyes only grew more curious and without restraint placed her other hand into the light.

      Humi never felt so warm, the glowing orbs light bursted open like an egg, cracking at the edges and falling to the ground. What was left though Humi could now see that she held a black cat. Its gold eyes flickered with flecks of green up at Humi and her mocha brown eyes flickered back. When Humi tried to pull the cat into her shoulder to hold it the cat hissed and pounced into her chest, falling into her body and disappearing inside her. She felt like liquid fire, the soft green glow became her, her body throbbed with fire and feverish movements. Where had that cat gone?! Is it- inside of me? She clutched her chest and searched it more the small black cat. Wake up.... wake up Humi...

  Upon peeling her eyes open she flinched in her bed, looking around her surroundings she found herself to still be in her train cart room, Friedrick across her in his small bunk still snuggled up in his slumber.

     What was that all? That bolt of light had some kind... and the black cat! Then the never ending pouring warmth that wrapped itself around you snug like a blanket but held hard like a viper on its next victim. She looked down at her chest but no black cat was nuzzled against it Did this mean something? Humi disregarded these thoughts as the intercom buzzed to life.

"We have made it into Bamberge Germany folks! We're just half an hour from the next station. We hope you enjoy the complementary breakfast in the main hall." Bzzt, the intercom shut off, ending its message.

"We are almost there....Friedrick wake up!" She softy shook him awake. He turned to her and rubbed his eyes dazily.

"Mhhh?" He groaned, plucking the glasses off the small night stand and fixed them onto the bridge of his nose. "We're almost there, and there is breakfast if you want some."

   Friedrick didn't seem like a glutenous pig, but at the sound of food he bolted up and grinned.
"Damn I am hungry! Vat's for breakfast?!" Friedrick seemed awfully excited for a mere meal but Humi was happy never the less. Maybe...Germans just like their food?

The two got dressed, Humi in the room, Friedrick in the bathroom and both made their way down to the main room of the elaborate train cart. Friedrick was almost guessing the meal by sniffing the air attentively. She chuckled and walked along side him, the dream hung on her like a sickness. Push it away Humi you have too much to be thankful for up till now.

      The assortment of biscuits, croissants, soups, sausages, fruit, steamed veggies, yogurts were definitely enough to satisfy a giant but Friedrick made a pouty face at his plate. "Vhere is the meat? There's only sausage! No German sausage at that!"

"Oh yes that reminds me, you're German yes?" Humi asked calmly.

"Mhh? Vhy yes I am! I was lucky to get into France without an issue, but because I am attending the academy they saw me as an exception to the 'ne bon pas personnes' so I was able to cross the border." He explained as he plucked a sausage up with his fork and looked at it dully.

This translated in French to, 'not good people' France added a new law outlawing 'no goods' being the Germans because they were at war with them. Humi knew enough about the war to at least know this.

"What were you doing in France?" "I some relatives there, they moved before the war. They just needed some help before I left because...well my grandpa died. But it's ok now! They're all fine!" He waved his hands ease her worry. But now that she thought about it she's never lost someone before. She never met her mother, she died giving birth to her. She looked down at her food, she had lost her appetite.

"I'm sorry to hear that. Please excuse me." Picking up her plate she walked off to return it to the kitchen. How was she to understand people if she never did understand from the start? Oh well, we can't let this stop me from making my new life. She'd just have to let 'everything fall into place' as Maria said many times to her.