Gato's thoughts 6

She looks so strong, so happy. She walks into a room and spreads a contagious radiant smile that seems so unbreakable, who would want to though? People take advantage of the constant reassurance that she is fine, her smile couldn't be the burden that hinders her esteem, or the mask that keeps her from becoming close with people. No no, her smile is that of a truly joyful girl isn't it?

When the girl goes home though, it's an entirely different story isn't it? No story could end so happily could it?

She reaches out her hand, tears dripping into her lap. Somebody throws her a rope every so often, pulling her out of the ocean of tears and misery that she has lived in for so long. But the closer she becomes to people the more she wants to push them away before they push her away. Leaning on somebodies shoulder is ok for only so long before that other person titters and snaps, thus she only smiles and pulls up her walls. She lies to herself, tomorrow will be better won't it? I won't do this to myself again ever! I will be more optimistic won't I? Her mother though, seeing the girl smile brings her to cringe, thrashing at the girl, breaking her until her walls tumble down. Her heart rots with every passing moment alive. She cares too much for other people, more than herself, she's unconsciously against herself.

She feels that she is too good to end herself, but there's nothing stopping but the regret of seeing everyone around hers hearts being broken too. She knows she's cared for, but she doesn't want to be. Her mind is a jumbled mess, closeness to someone is what she needs but she can only push push push away everyone. 

I don't know if this is a cry for help, or me silently screaming my issues away. But I'd rather anyone who reads this, pretend it never happened.