Make me the enemy. I must be the reason why. Or is it just easier to blame someone else for whats wrong? Maybe I do hold back, but unlike you I tried to keep things positive so that what I thought didn't bring the entire group down. We relate, we have the same issues, even now and you don't even 'realize' it. You know that feeling you have right now? Being alone in agroup full of people? Being forgotten in the conversation? I felt that way for so long. I felt like I had to exceed every expectation you had of me. You do that to everyone. You say you want to be friends and then you leave them too, but after you come back you expect them to stay with you and spend every moment with you, like you're the precious gemstone of the entire world.
The reason this is called 'its not worth trying, much less saying' is because that's how I feel about us. Its not worth fixing, much less going through everything that I felt and that went wrong. My only piece of advice to you is to look into yourself and find your flaws. Figure out what you did before people left.
The only reason its not worth going through it all ad telling you is because I'm over it. Good luck with it. I'm sure you'll just talk to Tori again so have fun.
I never left you, that's for sure. I was always willing to make you number one, forgetting about most of my friends just to commit to you. If you are going to make a blog because you finished reading mine, leave a comment. Okay?
ReplyDeleteKat, you were never third wheel when I was around.
You may've been third wheel because of Jen and Andi together, but never around me.
That's the way I felt.
I'm always so willing to hang out with you guys, but I either can't or you guys are busy.
I would do anything to fucking hang out with you guys. To understand KPOP so that way you guys won't push me out of the conversation.
And yes, I have expectations of you. I expect you to be a good student and good celloist because you work hard. You have it in you to do well. But you just haven't unlocked it yet.
You said that your mom never pushes you to do good work, or something similar. Well here I am Kat, wanting you to do better, wanting you to excell. Wanting to go to college and become the job you want.
All I hear every day is how badly my mom wants a job that she likes. But she was unable to get it because her family was poor and couldn't get into college and she didn't get a full scholarship. She went to night school for 6 years, and still, can only get a job at the Postal Service. She cuts her fingers all day, and never even gets to sit down. Her boss is the most frustrating person she has ever met.
I just want all of my friends to have the good life. Yes, I pressure them. But it's only because I don't want them to be sad.
Also posting this in my blog because everyone in FS is like 'amg let me read yo shit'
That's not what I meant by expectations silly but thank you for that. Before I begin I wanted to say that I could never hate you. They say don't hate something that once made you smile and frankly, I'm not a hateful person. My dad came home today, I didn't get to see him (yet) bit isn't that just amazing? Two years gone and he just comes home. I'm still freaking out, anxious. I haven't even told Jen, know why? We connect like two puzzle pieces and you get me, and I've been where you are, or at least the out lines. I know we clash heads a lot nut I think in any healthy relationship well have that. I wanted to address some things to you, we have problems and I'm willing to work on them nut you need to work on yourself so I'll explain. My biggest issue is that you hold yourself higher than others. I don't mean to be rude but honesty is what we need right? I'm going to express myself. Probably not the way you always wanted me to open up and say what I feel but we'll get there. My meaning in expectations is that we must subhead to every thing you want us to be. Sounds harsh to say, I cringe jus writing because I don't like making people unhappy but in this case what else haven't I done wrong? Second issue. You find negatives too soon to seek the positives. I like to be optimistic. I could be bleeding to death in the middle of the desert and I'd be optimistic. Its how I get through. Bit Megu you look at the tiniest details and if their wrong by any mean you'll ridicule it. My best words of wisdom to you or anyone is to look at the sun while its shining not think about the moon that will soon come. Because even in the darkness we can find light, but we must look hard. I feel like I have insight on the universe, Pffft. I used to feel exactly how you feel now believe it or not. I won't go into too much detail but jeez it felt so bad to be there. I feel like I'm not just rising above but I'm surprising myself. I felt like I had to look to others for meaning but now I look into the world and find beauty I couldn't imagine and I am content. Let's work on us because I think it can be worth it. But you need to look into yourself for me, Jen and yourself and work on the bad. If you hadn't told me what I was doing wrong I would've never thought to fix it right? Well I'm setting things straight. A relationship takes two willing people.
DeleteKat, I don't think she'll talk to me, we're not on the same page in Many matters. I don't want any heat from the both of you, I don't like crossfire. So if your my friend use a different name for my name, ok? That's all I have to say Kat, see you later! ^^
ReplyDeleteSorry about that, oops >Δ<
ReplyDeleteHey did you put up your YouTube account yet?
I'm almost ready -sweatdrop- I'm just really slow
ReplyDelete