I have to admit. I'm done with everything. I just want to put up a wall and hide from the world but at the same time, I already feel like I'm so far from everything. I wish with all my heart that I could choke up the woeds to express myself. I am so bipolar about everything. First I want to just snuggle up to my friends and become as close as possible, I always feel so distant.
You see, it's not that everything is coming back. All my memories and pain. No. It's that I'm not close to anyone. The closest person to me is Jon and hes slipping away from me like everything else has. Why god do you have to condem my life and put me through this? As soon as I find peace I find that it's taken away from me. I realized this so recently that I've never faught for anything. Is someone insulted me I'd just take it. If god takes away my daddy I don't fight for him. If my friend deals with bullies I never stand up for her.
I can't believe in myself and thus no one can believe in me. I wonder why, if anyone why you'd read this. Me going on and on about my pain and agony OH DEAR! I realy don't know why you would. You have your own stuff to deal with why have me waist your time? Doing this for me is a huge benefit though. I can convey my thoughts like I could to no one else, but what's your benefit? You get nothing. If there even is a you.
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