I showed my other side that I didn't even know existed. I snapped on this girl that has been causing many problems for me and my friends. I never knew how mean and aggressive I could get until I started talking to her last night.
I had been dealing with her being so mean, under bearing, apathetic and rude for so long. I'd been so patient with her and then out of the blue. I have become stronger with this but it really came as a shock to me how mean I sounded. I almost like it though because it shows that i can fight for something I believe in now and that I am stronger than I used to be. I just hope I become stronger with each thing I over come instead of crumble. I will NOT let myself come this far to let something tear me down any longer.
Friday, March 29, 2013
Breaking Fate Chapter 4
"Good night Friedrick. Sleep well." Humi chirped. "You too Humi." Friedrick hummed in return, nuzzling the thin white sheet closer to his chin and turned his back to her. The train continued to trek down the tracks, trudging closer and closer to Humi's unknown fate.
She struggled to sleep, her mind was cluttered with thoughts of what the next day would hold for her. Maria, she missed her. Right about now Maria would always tuck her in warmly, then she would tell her stories and old legends. She fondly remembered one about a Queen from long ago. She loved her husband very much. But the evil King from far away yearned for her, lusted for her beauty. he entire kingdom did what it could to protect her. They put her in a glass ball to protect her but ended up weakening the poor Queens heart. Seeing her people fight for her made her feel helpless. Thus the queen made a secret deal with the King of the darkness. Take her and her heart, leave her people at peace.
Humi tried to envision the queen, and the people. The King must have been so sad, tears always welled up in her eyes when Maria told her the tail again and again at her request.She let a sigh
escape her as she turned to face the door and her mind flourished and pondered.
Crystal white snow hugged her toes like a blanket, a shiver trickled up Humi's spine but she ambled forth through the thickly scattered trees of a fairy tail like forest. The glowing moon light luminated her way, her way to who knows where. Moon guiding, it was her force, her will to find what was pulling her forward. This place almost seemed familiar, like a long forgotten memory locked away in a dusty attic, awaiting to be remembered. But this memory kept going on and on and had its own aura that made her want to run away from it. She searched for the reason she was brought her until her curious eyes shined upon the sight of a particular glow in the distance. Humi halted her steps and stared back at the soft green glow that bobbed in the air patiently. The odd feeling of eyes on her irked her and she found herself walking toward it, then breaking into a run. She ran as fast as her legs would carry her but the soft glow bolted away, teasing her. A game of tag!
Nearing the burst of light she leaped for it eagerly, being pulled into its gravitational pull she was plucked off the ground and her body was carried along side the strange being. Her eyes were filled with wonder, but fear under lied her emotions. Humi pushed back the emotion and reached her arm out to touch the oddly welcoming thing. It almost had a heart beat, the steady rhythm of warmth within it grew the longer her hand was placed there. Humis eyes only grew more curious and without restraint placed her other hand into the light.
Humi never felt so warm, the glowing orbs light bursted open like an egg, cracking at the edges and falling to the ground. What was left though Humi could now see that she held a black cat. Its gold eyes flickered with flecks of green up at Humi and her mocha brown eyes flickered back. When Humi tried to pull the cat into her shoulder to hold it the cat hissed and pounced into her chest, falling into her body and disappearing inside her. She felt like liquid fire, the soft green glow became her, her body throbbed with fire and feverish movements. Where had that cat gone?! Is it- inside of me? She clutched her chest and searched it more the small black cat. Wake up.... wake up Humi...
Upon peeling her eyes open she flinched in her bed, looking around her surroundings she found herself to still be in her train cart room, Friedrick across her in his small bunk still snuggled up in his slumber.
What was that all? That bolt of light had some kind... and the black cat! Then the never ending pouring warmth that wrapped itself around you snug like a blanket but held hard like a viper on its next victim. She looked down at her chest but no black cat was nuzzled against it Did this mean something? Humi disregarded these thoughts as the intercom buzzed to life.
"We have made it into Bamberge Germany folks! We're just half an hour from the next station. We hope you enjoy the complementary breakfast in the main hall." Bzzt, the intercom shut off, ending its message.
"We are almost there....Friedrick wake up!" She softy shook him awake. He turned to her and rubbed his eyes dazily.
"Mhhh?" He groaned, plucking the glasses off the small night stand and fixed them onto the bridge of his nose. "We're almost there, and there is breakfast if you want some."
Friedrick didn't seem like a glutenous pig, but at the sound of food he bolted up and grinned.
"Damn I am hungry! Vat's for breakfast?!" Friedrick seemed awfully excited for a mere meal but Humi was happy never the less. Maybe...Germans just like their food?
The two got dressed, Humi in the room, Friedrick in the bathroom and both made their way down to the main room of the elaborate train cart. Friedrick was almost guessing the meal by sniffing the air attentively. She chuckled and walked along side him, the dream hung on her like a sickness. Push it away Humi you have too much to be thankful for up till now.
The assortment of biscuits, croissants, soups, sausages, fruit, steamed veggies, yogurts were definitely enough to satisfy a giant but Friedrick made a pouty face at his plate. "Vhere is the meat? There's only sausage! No German sausage at that!"
"Oh yes that reminds me, you're German yes?" Humi asked calmly.
"Mhh? Vhy yes I am! I was lucky to get into France without an issue, but because I am attending the academy they saw me as an exception to the 'ne bon pas personnes' so I was able to cross the border." He explained as he plucked a sausage up with his fork and looked at it dully.
This translated in French to, 'not good people' France added a new law outlawing 'no goods' being the Germans because they were at war with them. Humi knew enough about the war to at least know this.
"What were you doing in France?" "I some relatives there, they moved before the war. They just needed some help before I left because...well my grandpa died. But it's ok now! They're all fine!" He waved his hands ease her worry. But now that she thought about it she's never lost someone before. She never met her mother, she died giving birth to her. She looked down at her food, she had lost her appetite.
"I'm sorry to hear that. Please excuse me." Picking up her plate she walked off to return it to the kitchen. How was she to understand people if she never did understand from the start? Oh well, we can't let this stop me from making my new life. She'd just have to let 'everything fall into place' as Maria said many times to her.
She struggled to sleep, her mind was cluttered with thoughts of what the next day would hold for her. Maria, she missed her. Right about now Maria would always tuck her in warmly, then she would tell her stories and old legends. She fondly remembered one about a Queen from long ago. She loved her husband very much. But the evil King from far away yearned for her, lusted for her beauty. he entire kingdom did what it could to protect her. They put her in a glass ball to protect her but ended up weakening the poor Queens heart. Seeing her people fight for her made her feel helpless. Thus the queen made a secret deal with the King of the darkness. Take her and her heart, leave her people at peace.
Humi tried to envision the queen, and the people. The King must have been so sad, tears always welled up in her eyes when Maria told her the tail again and again at her request.She let a sigh
escape her as she turned to face the door and her mind flourished and pondered.
Crystal white snow hugged her toes like a blanket, a shiver trickled up Humi's spine but she ambled forth through the thickly scattered trees of a fairy tail like forest. The glowing moon light luminated her way, her way to who knows where. Moon guiding, it was her force, her will to find what was pulling her forward. This place almost seemed familiar, like a long forgotten memory locked away in a dusty attic, awaiting to be remembered. But this memory kept going on and on and had its own aura that made her want to run away from it. She searched for the reason she was brought her until her curious eyes shined upon the sight of a particular glow in the distance. Humi halted her steps and stared back at the soft green glow that bobbed in the air patiently. The odd feeling of eyes on her irked her and she found herself walking toward it, then breaking into a run. She ran as fast as her legs would carry her but the soft glow bolted away, teasing her. A game of tag!
Nearing the burst of light she leaped for it eagerly, being pulled into its gravitational pull she was plucked off the ground and her body was carried along side the strange being. Her eyes were filled with wonder, but fear under lied her emotions. Humi pushed back the emotion and reached her arm out to touch the oddly welcoming thing. It almost had a heart beat, the steady rhythm of warmth within it grew the longer her hand was placed there. Humis eyes only grew more curious and without restraint placed her other hand into the light.
Humi never felt so warm, the glowing orbs light bursted open like an egg, cracking at the edges and falling to the ground. What was left though Humi could now see that she held a black cat. Its gold eyes flickered with flecks of green up at Humi and her mocha brown eyes flickered back. When Humi tried to pull the cat into her shoulder to hold it the cat hissed and pounced into her chest, falling into her body and disappearing inside her. She felt like liquid fire, the soft green glow became her, her body throbbed with fire and feverish movements. Where had that cat gone?! Is it- inside of me? She clutched her chest and searched it more the small black cat. Wake up.... wake up Humi...
Upon peeling her eyes open she flinched in her bed, looking around her surroundings she found herself to still be in her train cart room, Friedrick across her in his small bunk still snuggled up in his slumber.
What was that all? That bolt of light had some kind... and the black cat! Then the never ending pouring warmth that wrapped itself around you snug like a blanket but held hard like a viper on its next victim. She looked down at her chest but no black cat was nuzzled against it Did this mean something? Humi disregarded these thoughts as the intercom buzzed to life.
"We have made it into Bamberge Germany folks! We're just half an hour from the next station. We hope you enjoy the complementary breakfast in the main hall." Bzzt, the intercom shut off, ending its message.
"We are almost there....Friedrick wake up!" She softy shook him awake. He turned to her and rubbed his eyes dazily.
"Mhhh?" He groaned, plucking the glasses off the small night stand and fixed them onto the bridge of his nose. "We're almost there, and there is breakfast if you want some."
Friedrick didn't seem like a glutenous pig, but at the sound of food he bolted up and grinned.
"Damn I am hungry! Vat's for breakfast?!" Friedrick seemed awfully excited for a mere meal but Humi was happy never the less. Maybe...Germans just like their food?
The two got dressed, Humi in the room, Friedrick in the bathroom and both made their way down to the main room of the elaborate train cart. Friedrick was almost guessing the meal by sniffing the air attentively. She chuckled and walked along side him, the dream hung on her like a sickness. Push it away Humi you have too much to be thankful for up till now.
The assortment of biscuits, croissants, soups, sausages, fruit, steamed veggies, yogurts were definitely enough to satisfy a giant but Friedrick made a pouty face at his plate. "Vhere is the meat? There's only sausage! No German sausage at that!"
"Oh yes that reminds me, you're German yes?" Humi asked calmly.
"Mhh? Vhy yes I am! I was lucky to get into France without an issue, but because I am attending the academy they saw me as an exception to the 'ne bon pas personnes' so I was able to cross the border." He explained as he plucked a sausage up with his fork and looked at it dully.
This translated in French to, 'not good people' France added a new law outlawing 'no goods' being the Germans because they were at war with them. Humi knew enough about the war to at least know this.
"What were you doing in France?" "I some relatives there, they moved before the war. They just needed some help before I left because...well my grandpa died. But it's ok now! They're all fine!" He waved his hands ease her worry. But now that she thought about it she's never lost someone before. She never met her mother, she died giving birth to her. She looked down at her food, she had lost her appetite.
"I'm sorry to hear that. Please excuse me." Picking up her plate she walked off to return it to the kitchen. How was she to understand people if she never did understand from the start? Oh well, we can't let this stop me from making my new life. She'd just have to let 'everything fall into place' as Maria said many times to her.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Cracked... Crumbled... Shattered...
They see a girl, a very happy girl
I see a secret, hidden beneath piles of smiles
No one can see, only my eyes can peek
No one will know, cause she will never show
They hear a laugh, a true and joyful laugh
I hear a scream, of terror and hidden dreams
If only they could see, but only my eyes can peek
The girls broken smile only
cracked...
crumbled.... shattered.....
They see a body, of the sad lonely girl
I see an angel, set free from the world
They walk away with tears, I with my own fears
The world became silent, with thoughts rambling violent
Under all the stars, nothing could hide the scars
Slicing away, blood stained the sheets
Feeding the monster, that will always eat
Inside her heart, she knew only one thing could there be to do
So she
cracked...
crumbled... shattered...
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
The meaning of life itself.
The reason we are here. Why and who decided to place me upon this Earth? The point in it all is still yet to be found, pondered upon for generations I don't think this question will ever sece to be asked. If we were put here merely to survive then I'd say we've surpassed that by far enough to look for another reason. Is it to make each other smile? Spread love and happiness across the world? Well, look around you. I think you're shaking your head because though we've made it this long together, we really are not together are we? Our society isn't made up of the people, it's the fake mind set that has been drilled into their minds. If only our society had a humanity could we rise from our fears and hold each other up as one people.
I remember one time, when I was a young child I asked, "Daddy what's the meaning of life?" Well all I can tell you is to put this pondering at ease. If our meaning were to find the meaning then I see no difference in just making one up and calling it a day. Things like religion may irk you to question even more. Putting your whole heart into a bible and a man you only believe in. But that amount of belief amazes me. It is the belief that makes religion so perplexing. That man would put his thoughts aside for something he didn't even know for a solid fact was true. To have the heart to never stop believing in this man and the cause he brought upon to you. I think this is just fascinating. I myself, wish to have such strong feelings in the subject. I have attended Cathedrals, churches, Masses, Bible studies but never found the spark I was looking for. I am not one to believe that science is all there is to us, something IS there but I don't feel it in a church or a bible.
I don't know what the meaning of this all is but I know that whatever this world offers I want to take all I can and give all I can to it. You know how at Christmas time, 'giving is better than receiving?' I think that applys to this subject too. Leaving something behind for someone else to be amazed about and ponder over sure is more rewarding than taking all the happiness for yourself. I wish that all this 'proud words' could summarize my personality. These thoughts of mine may give you the impression I'm a smart, well thought out, confident girl. These couldn't be any more untrue, I am a B average student, my mind is a jumbled mess. I only wish I could think straight sometimes and I'm about as confident as a turtle. But let me ask you this. If you look at anyone in history that has made a difference in the world. Did they have it all in school? Were they the most popular or most fit person? Or did they have all the newest, tresndyest clothing? I think not. Look as Roosevelt. He has crippled and in a wheel chair for much of his presidency and he made a huge difference in the world. Dealing with World War two, the hate from all that would bring any man down. Or Amelia Earhart, a woman flying a plane was unheard of until she dared to.
What do I believe in? Happiness. I want to spread smiles and share memories. But go find your own meaning to life and believe in it with your whole heart because life's too short to be half hearted.
I remember one time, when I was a young child I asked, "Daddy what's the meaning of life?" Well all I can tell you is to put this pondering at ease. If our meaning were to find the meaning then I see no difference in just making one up and calling it a day. Things like religion may irk you to question even more. Putting your whole heart into a bible and a man you only believe in. But that amount of belief amazes me. It is the belief that makes religion so perplexing. That man would put his thoughts aside for something he didn't even know for a solid fact was true. To have the heart to never stop believing in this man and the cause he brought upon to you. I think this is just fascinating. I myself, wish to have such strong feelings in the subject. I have attended Cathedrals, churches, Masses, Bible studies but never found the spark I was looking for. I am not one to believe that science is all there is to us, something IS there but I don't feel it in a church or a bible.
I don't know what the meaning of this all is but I know that whatever this world offers I want to take all I can and give all I can to it. You know how at Christmas time, 'giving is better than receiving?' I think that applys to this subject too. Leaving something behind for someone else to be amazed about and ponder over sure is more rewarding than taking all the happiness for yourself. I wish that all this 'proud words' could summarize my personality. These thoughts of mine may give you the impression I'm a smart, well thought out, confident girl. These couldn't be any more untrue, I am a B average student, my mind is a jumbled mess. I only wish I could think straight sometimes and I'm about as confident as a turtle. But let me ask you this. If you look at anyone in history that has made a difference in the world. Did they have it all in school? Were they the most popular or most fit person? Or did they have all the newest, tresndyest clothing? I think not. Look as Roosevelt. He has crippled and in a wheel chair for much of his presidency and he made a huge difference in the world. Dealing with World War two, the hate from all that would bring any man down. Or Amelia Earhart, a woman flying a plane was unheard of until she dared to.
What do I believe in? Happiness. I want to spread smiles and share memories. But go find your own meaning to life and believe in it with your whole heart because life's too short to be half hearted.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Hetalia FanFiction Chapter 2 (Fem! Usuk)
The light peeled her eyes open, irritably stinging them as she adjusted to the light. dazedly Alice peered around the room but there was no sign of Amelia anywhere. The dream was only that of her pleasant memory from the past. When Amelia looked up to Alice as if she were queen on Britain. A small sigh escaped her as she sat up in the enormous king size bed and turned to examine the clock on her night stand. It was four in the morning, she still had two hours before she was supposed to get ready and leave for breakfast in the dining hall.
Amelia... How long will I be able to take this before I just accept that.... I love you?
Alice pushed the thick blanket off her and shivered as she made her way to the bathroom to carry about her morning routine. She took great pride in organization. She had an easily accessible place for everything. Tooth brush, tooth paste, brush, hair bands, ribbons and clips, soap. And most important of all, her glasse- "WHERE ARE THEY!?"
Alice panicked, shifting furiously through her bag, binder, bathroom sink, they had been no where to be found. Frustrated, she hopped onto the bed to pout when she heard the sharp breaking of glass. Eyes wide, she froze in her spot. Slowly and hesitantly she lifted herself out of the bed and looked to the sheet and to her horror.... Two broken lenses scattered the sheet, adding to her horror there left a scratch on her elbow. Alice needed her glasses to see but now this was serious. BLOOD! The sight of blood made her noshes and her world spin. Alice left the lenses there and scrambled through the bathroom until she fell upon her old, Victorian styled pearl pink glasses. They were about six times the size of her eyes, giant and they made her look like an old woman. She slipped them on and examined the damage. If this were a silly cartoon the mirror would've shattered by now.
God... if you're punishing me.... consider yourself an accomplished man
Later that day she conjured enough courage to actually attend the breakfast. Much less leave her room. She tried to keep a poker face, and avoid any eye contact with any of her fellow peers. This was going to be a long day for Alice
Amelia... How long will I be able to take this before I just accept that.... I love you?
Alice pushed the thick blanket off her and shivered as she made her way to the bathroom to carry about her morning routine. She took great pride in organization. She had an easily accessible place for everything. Tooth brush, tooth paste, brush, hair bands, ribbons and clips, soap. And most important of all, her glasse- "WHERE ARE THEY!?"
Alice panicked, shifting furiously through her bag, binder, bathroom sink, they had been no where to be found. Frustrated, she hopped onto the bed to pout when she heard the sharp breaking of glass. Eyes wide, she froze in her spot. Slowly and hesitantly she lifted herself out of the bed and looked to the sheet and to her horror.... Two broken lenses scattered the sheet, adding to her horror there left a scratch on her elbow. Alice needed her glasses to see but now this was serious. BLOOD! The sight of blood made her noshes and her world spin. Alice left the lenses there and scrambled through the bathroom until she fell upon her old, Victorian styled pearl pink glasses. They were about six times the size of her eyes, giant and they made her look like an old woman. She slipped them on and examined the damage. If this were a silly cartoon the mirror would've shattered by now.
God... if you're punishing me.... consider yourself an accomplished man
Later that day she conjured enough courage to actually attend the breakfast. Much less leave her room. She tried to keep a poker face, and avoid any eye contact with any of her fellow peers. This was going to be a long day for Alice
Friday, March 22, 2013
Gatos thoughts 5
Ok well this is for a few particular people I know. I think the only people who read this is Cory, Megu and Nej really, so here's just whtats been on my mind as of lately, for your sake.
Cory, I have to admit to you something. I feel like I never talk to you. Like when we talk, it's you talking and me smiling and listening. And it's messing with my esteem. I know you're this really nice strong person, and I'm rather weak, but please remember that I am way more fragile than I let on. It may be a little thing for anyone else, but (poetic time) my heart has been hit, scratched, burnt, neglected, spit on, forgotten, lost, I don't want any more heart ake. But the truth is if we're going to be friends (Which i for sure want that :) Then this relationship can't be one sided. You need to listen more. And maybe this is true for your other friends? Maybe Kelli thinks this? I don't know if it's just me. I want to be your friend, but if you don't listen to me before we know it I'll have another break down and I can't make eye contact with you anymore. I don't want to push you away, so I won't.
But in reality, when I push away I only want to pull you closer. I don't know why I do that, it's just my horrible nature.
CORY
Cory, I have to admit to you something. I feel like I never talk to you. Like when we talk, it's you talking and me smiling and listening. And it's messing with my esteem. I know you're this really nice strong person, and I'm rather weak, but please remember that I am way more fragile than I let on. It may be a little thing for anyone else, but (poetic time) my heart has been hit, scratched, burnt, neglected, spit on, forgotten, lost, I don't want any more heart ake. But the truth is if we're going to be friends (Which i for sure want that :) Then this relationship can't be one sided. You need to listen more. And maybe this is true for your other friends? Maybe Kelli thinks this? I don't know if it's just me. I want to be your friend, but if you don't listen to me before we know it I'll have another break down and I can't make eye contact with you anymore. I don't want to push you away, so I won't.
MEGU
I don't know how to push people away, never could because if I did I was scared they'd get hurt. I was always pushed away therefore I just can't. Somtimes I think that I care too much for people. I'll go out of my way to make sure the other is comfortable. That's my biggest burden on myself. So thank you for caring about me, and noticing things NO ONE ELSE would've or would've brought attension to. I can tell you care a lot because when you notice small things, you don't just leave it there, you go on and investigate and cconfront me. To be honest I need someone like you, you make me confront my self, more over, my own feelings :) Thank you for caring, I will NEVER let you go no matter what happens or what feelings occur.
NEJ
Thank you also for being there for me. Even when I push away, you and Megu never get fazed and hug me tight never the less :) My biggest issue was that I didn't feel like I was ANYONES number one. And thus I pushed you guys away.But in reality, when I push away I only want to pull you closer. I don't know why I do that, it's just my horrible nature.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Hetalia Fan Fiction Chapter 1 (Fem!Usuk)
This girl had always been my close friend, practically my own little sister since we met. Surely feelings like these could never surface, feelings for Amelia beyond a sisterly love couldn't be normal but-. Alice stood in the door way, after a long day at the Academy and studying with Amelia, a tear trickled down her cheek. She knew what she felt but, what if these feelings brought them apart? What if Amelia never talked to her again? Or hated her? Dropping to her knees the tears poured out of her and she let them.
I can't love you like this Amelia, am I even allowed to love a girl? Is it not sane? Bloody hell why can't I get a grip?! This isn't love, loss of sleep maybe? Am I dehydrated? I don't know, I'll just ignore these feelings. They'll go away.
Pulling herself to her feet she limply pulled herself under her covers. She tried to focus on her home work, snuggling deep into her thick sheets with pencil in hand but she found it to be a chore just to hold herself from the subject. She really loved Amelia didn't she? The pent of frustration nagged at her and she shoved her homework off the bed. She couldn't study with things clouding her mind....
"Amelia! Don't climb up so high! You're going to fall and hurt yourself!"
"Oh calm down you brit, I'll be fine, I'm brave enough! Bold enough! Awe-" Alice interjected. "STUPID ENOUGH!" Laughing at her own joke Alice ranted on.
Aliiiiiiiiice!! I will get this apple! No matter how much you try to discourage me to! Almost...there...
Her fingers made contact with the shiny red apple, plucking it from the branch she parted her lips to boast to Alice when she lost her balance and came tumbling to the ground. When she opened her eyes Alice was looking down at her, tears speckling her cheeks.
"Told you I'd get it didn't I?" she chuckled, sitting up to rub her sore elbow, as if she felt nothing.
"YOU IDIOT! You got hurt because you were so reckless! Why can't you listen to me!?" Alice dropped the apple and pounded at Amelia's chest with balled fists and a fit of hiccups. Amelia chuckled, pushing back the girls tears with a reassuring grin. "I'm not dead am I? Look I'm totally fine, intact, I have all my limbs don't I?" She tried to ease the crying girl.
A string of sniffles followed another fit of hiccups. "W-what if you had h-hit you head? What about tha-that?!"
"WOW Alice! I didn't know you cared so much!" Amelia figured that if Alice was crying over something so small, she might as well have fun with it. Thus, Alice's face grew a tomato red and she crossed her arms, pushing tears away and suppressing sniffles. "Well don't get so ho-hot headed. I do care for you but only to see if you were alright. I'd get in trouble!"
Oh she could play this game. "Trouble from whom? Francis? He wouldn't even bat an eye." She challenged. "Besides I know you care." pulling herself to her feet Amelia held out a hand to help Alice, but the stubborn, quoteth from Alice, 'twat' brought herself up, arms still crossed. She let a sigh escape her lips as she looked to the shiny red apple still in the blades of grass and she bent over to retrieve her prize and held it out for Alice.
"What's this?" she scoffed, Alice was too easy to read. She was so bashful for all the wrong reasons. showing she cared always made her turn right around and deny she said anything. But Amelia could see through her like stain glass. Pulling her hand into hers she stopped the stubborn girl and placed the apple in her palm.
"I got it for you silly. Don't tell me I did that for nothing." She smirked, her sea blue eyes glistened. Alice's eyes only teared up, tears pouring out like a gentil water fall as she threw her arms around Amelia's neck. Almost as if an impulse Amelias arms wrapped tight around her.
"I love you I just don't want to see you hurt!" She sobbed into her shoulder
I can't love you like this Amelia, am I even allowed to love a girl? Is it not sane? Bloody hell why can't I get a grip?! This isn't love, loss of sleep maybe? Am I dehydrated? I don't know, I'll just ignore these feelings. They'll go away.
Pulling herself to her feet she limply pulled herself under her covers. She tried to focus on her home work, snuggling deep into her thick sheets with pencil in hand but she found it to be a chore just to hold herself from the subject. She really loved Amelia didn't she? The pent of frustration nagged at her and she shoved her homework off the bed. She couldn't study with things clouding her mind....
"Amelia! Don't climb up so high! You're going to fall and hurt yourself!"
"Oh calm down you brit, I'll be fine, I'm brave enough! Bold enough! Awe-" Alice interjected. "STUPID ENOUGH!" Laughing at her own joke Alice ranted on.
Aliiiiiiiiice!! I will get this apple! No matter how much you try to discourage me to! Almost...there...
Her fingers made contact with the shiny red apple, plucking it from the branch she parted her lips to boast to Alice when she lost her balance and came tumbling to the ground. When she opened her eyes Alice was looking down at her, tears speckling her cheeks.
"Told you I'd get it didn't I?" she chuckled, sitting up to rub her sore elbow, as if she felt nothing.
"YOU IDIOT! You got hurt because you were so reckless! Why can't you listen to me!?" Alice dropped the apple and pounded at Amelia's chest with balled fists and a fit of hiccups. Amelia chuckled, pushing back the girls tears with a reassuring grin. "I'm not dead am I? Look I'm totally fine, intact, I have all my limbs don't I?" She tried to ease the crying girl.
A string of sniffles followed another fit of hiccups. "W-what if you had h-hit you head? What about tha-that?!"
"WOW Alice! I didn't know you cared so much!" Amelia figured that if Alice was crying over something so small, she might as well have fun with it. Thus, Alice's face grew a tomato red and she crossed her arms, pushing tears away and suppressing sniffles. "Well don't get so ho-hot headed. I do care for you but only to see if you were alright. I'd get in trouble!"
Oh she could play this game. "Trouble from whom? Francis? He wouldn't even bat an eye." She challenged. "Besides I know you care." pulling herself to her feet Amelia held out a hand to help Alice, but the stubborn, quoteth from Alice, 'twat' brought herself up, arms still crossed. She let a sigh escape her lips as she looked to the shiny red apple still in the blades of grass and she bent over to retrieve her prize and held it out for Alice.
"What's this?" she scoffed, Alice was too easy to read. She was so bashful for all the wrong reasons. showing she cared always made her turn right around and deny she said anything. But Amelia could see through her like stain glass. Pulling her hand into hers she stopped the stubborn girl and placed the apple in her palm.
"I got it for you silly. Don't tell me I did that for nothing." She smirked, her sea blue eyes glistened. Alice's eyes only teared up, tears pouring out like a gentil water fall as she threw her arms around Amelia's neck. Almost as if an impulse Amelias arms wrapped tight around her.
"I love you I just don't want to see you hurt!" She sobbed into her shoulder
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Friday, March 15, 2013
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Breaking Fate Chapter 3
The late afternoon sun poured through the small panel glass window, the trees glitching past the train as it sped down the tracks. Pulling a strand of glassy white hair back behind her ear Humis eyes followed the others chestnut ones.
"I-I didn't vant t-to vake you. Hallo my name iz Friedrick Wollenburg" stuttered with a harsh German accent.
"Oh no it is fine, thank you. My name is Humi. Humi Wakashimi." Humi chuckled. The two sat there in silence for a moment, the awkward atmosphere was irking her. His eyes shifted nervously to meet hers. What was wrong? Did she scare him? She shined a radiant smile his way trying to ease him.
Think, think! Conversation, maybe he's going to the same school she is?
"I-I'm on my way to attend the Zauberkunst Private Academ-" Before she could finish the small boys hand flew over her lips. She had no time to respond to this. He placed his index finger over his lips to shush her. "Zon't you know?" He said in a hushed voice. "It's secret! You can't tell anyvon of the school!" After slowly releasing his hold she looked at him, confused. He took this as hint to explain. "Germany has declared world war two since September first. The German government vould not allow us to attend it's schools. Much less enter its borders. The only reason ve can is because ve are Casters and zhe Casters rule over most power in zhe world, so it was vetoed to reject foreign students to this particular school." He hushed to her, eyes searching hers for a sign of understanding. "But that doesn't stop its people from trying now does it?"
"No." She whispered back. "Vhy don't you know all this alveady? You seem like a bright person." He said, the nervousness and hushing left his voice and was replaced by a friendlier tone.
Choking up the courage she told him. "Well, most my life I've been tied to hospital beds and doctors. I was lucky to have grown strong enough to finally get out and 'explore the world." She chuckled calmly. "I'm get along better with books than people. To be honest your the first person I've talked to ever. Besides doctors and the occasional house guest really."
Friedrick nodded slowly and grinned. "I see! I'm your first friend then! We shall be good friends. Tell me, how good is your Casting? We can work on it together!" Friedrick chimed happily. Humi was a little taken aback by his response but smiled along. She'd never actually had a friend. He called her his friend didn't he? She heard that right hadn't she?
"Well, my Casting is ok. I wouldn't know would I? I've never actually had to use it. Or had the chance to compare really." "Don't be so humble! I'm sure your really really powerful aren't you! Maybe say, rank one or two? Eh?"
Damn was she confused. She knew in the new world she'd be this way but nothing made sense to her at all did it? "Rank? What is a rank, if I may ask?" She said sheepishly.
As she could see coming his face turned from excitement to pure astonishment, jaw hanging open. She had just met him, but she could already tell he was full of character. "Zou don't know vhat rank iz?! Much less your own?!" He exclaimed, pushing the wire frames up the bridge of his nose.
Jeez everything was so alien to her. "Uh....should I?" His laughter filled her ears and tugged at the corners of her lips. "What? What is it Friedrick tell me!" She whined. Turning back to her he explained, an amused tone in his voice. "Gosh Humi. If you don't know zhat then you will definitely have a hard time in class von't you? Your rank is how people determine your strength. How powerful you are. It is based on a number, one to five. One being most powerful, five being least powerful. But zhen there's a chart if your not normal, from zero to A, B, C, D, E and F being THE most powerful. But F is very rare and are normally kept in confinement zheir whole life."
Humi took in all the information like a sponge soaking up water. Why had Maria not told her this? Now she was curious what her rank was. She crossed her legs covered by her dark wash jeans and peered down at her shoes in thought. "What's your rank then?" she broke her small pause.
"Rank three. My ability is wind. I haven't gotten too close to mastering it yet but I can fly sometimes! I should show you, but it's not too good yet." "Hmm, you know now that I think about it, it is weird I don't know all this. My maid was my teacher and she left out most of this. I must wonder why..." Humi mumbled. Friedricks eyes roamed her face, he couldn't give her an answer but he did pat her shoulder and smirk.
"Don't worry about it. Hey look at zhese though" He reached for his bag, unzipping it and rampaged through it until he found what ever it was he wanted and retracted his hand, now holding a small black silk box, the size of a pack of fags (that's how British people say cigarettes ;) Opening the lid and setting it beside him Friedrick and Humi peered into the box at its contents, three marbles, all had their own unique colour and texture. One green, blue and purple, all glossy and smooth. Taking the three in his hand he threw toward the floor. Humis eyes glistened with wonder as the three stones didn't fall to the floor, but instead floated just above it. Spinning rapidly and orbiting each other.
Friedrick watched them with interest, raising his hand in the center of the circle. "These are called Invocio stones, with the three you can contact anyone you want. Only as long as they have their own too. It's like a telephone."
Humi thought of Maria. Did she have any? Hmm, good question, I'll have to send her a letter.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Monday, March 11, 2013
Stresses of a thirteen year old girl who just wants some peace
I have to admit. I'm done with everything. I just want to put up a wall and hide from the world but at the same time, I already feel like I'm so far from everything. I wish with all my heart that I could choke up the woeds to express myself. I am so bipolar about everything. First I want to just snuggle up to my friends and become as close as possible, I always feel so distant.
You see, it's not that everything is coming back. All my memories and pain. No. It's that I'm not close to anyone. The closest person to me is Jon and hes slipping away from me like everything else has. Why god do you have to condem my life and put me through this? As soon as I find peace I find that it's taken away from me. I realized this so recently that I've never faught for anything. Is someone insulted me I'd just take it. If god takes away my daddy I don't fight for him. If my friend deals with bullies I never stand up for her.
I can't believe in myself and thus no one can believe in me. I wonder why, if anyone why you'd read this. Me going on and on about my pain and agony OH DEAR! I realy don't know why you would. You have your own stuff to deal with why have me waist your time? Doing this for me is a huge benefit though. I can convey my thoughts like I could to no one else, but what's your benefit? You get nothing. If there even is a you.
You see, it's not that everything is coming back. All my memories and pain. No. It's that I'm not close to anyone. The closest person to me is Jon and hes slipping away from me like everything else has. Why god do you have to condem my life and put me through this? As soon as I find peace I find that it's taken away from me. I realized this so recently that I've never faught for anything. Is someone insulted me I'd just take it. If god takes away my daddy I don't fight for him. If my friend deals with bullies I never stand up for her.
I can't believe in myself and thus no one can believe in me. I wonder why, if anyone why you'd read this. Me going on and on about my pain and agony OH DEAR! I realy don't know why you would. You have your own stuff to deal with why have me waist your time? Doing this for me is a huge benefit though. I can convey my thoughts like I could to no one else, but what's your benefit? You get nothing. If there even is a you.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Breaking Fate Summery and needed details!!
Ok so I was telling my mom about this story I'm making and she suggested that I make this so people understand and no one gets 'offended'.
So here are some VERY KEY details you'll need to know.
1) The date is around the start of World War 2, the date is August 12th, 1945. Here I'll give you a small time line of events so you at least know the dates and events that occurred to understand the story better.
September 1, 1939
Germany invades Poland, initiating World War 2 in Europe.
September 3, 1939
Honoring their guarantee of Poland’s borders, Great Britain and France declare war on Germany.
September 17, 1939
The Soviet Union invades Poland from the east.
This is all the begining of the war. But the year all this is is 1940 in August so here are some events close to that
June 28, 1940
The Soviet Union forces Romania to cede the eastern province of Bessarabia and the northern half of Bukovina to the Soviet Ukraine.
June 14, 1940–August 6, 1940
The Soviet Union occupies the Baltic States on June 14–18, engineering Communist coup d’états in each of them on July 14–15, and then annexing them as Soviet Republics on August 3–6.
July 10, 1940–October 31, 1940
The air war known as the Battle of Britain ends in defeat for Nazi Germany.
August 30, 1940
Second Vienna Award: Germany and Italy arbitrate a decision on the division of the disputed province of Transylvania between Romania and Hungary. The loss of northern Transylvania forces Romanian King Carol to abdicate in favor of his son, Michael, and brings to power a dictatorship under General Ion Antonescu.
There we go. So there is all the information about the date just so you can follow the story. You'll also need to know that the Zauberkunst (magic in German) Private Academy is in Germany. Most of the people that attend there are either very proud of the war or want to fight against it.
But Polish, French, British and Romanian and anyone else that Germany is against students are still able to attend the school due to the Casters power over the government (The Repusenative for the Casters of Germany secretively allows this). The Zauberkunst Private Academy just wants more students, the head master believes in a kind of legend like thing were someone 'left on the outskirts, not meant to be' will end the horror. That this person will end the war with peace, and make the world ever more beautiful.
Humis family mansion is located in Bordeaux France (near the Garonne River in South Western France) Though the actual train station doesn't exist to transport people from Bordeaux to Bamberg Germany but oh well, they can't FLY UPON A MAGICAL ARDVARK IN SPARKLES AND APEAR THERE HAPPILY~ But I sure did put ALOT of work into this so far. Like, you guys have noooo idea. I had to apply reality into this fantasy story so props to myself!
Any questions? Add a comment, thank you~
~Nya
So here are some VERY KEY details you'll need to know.
1) The date is around the start of World War 2, the date is August 12th, 1945. Here I'll give you a small time line of events so you at least know the dates and events that occurred to understand the story better.
September 1, 1939
Germany invades Poland, initiating World War 2 in Europe.
September 3, 1939
Honoring their guarantee of Poland’s borders, Great Britain and France declare war on Germany.
September 17, 1939
The Soviet Union invades Poland from the east.
This is all the begining of the war. But the year all this is is 1940 in August so here are some events close to that
June 28, 1940
The Soviet Union forces Romania to cede the eastern province of Bessarabia and the northern half of Bukovina to the Soviet Ukraine.
June 14, 1940–August 6, 1940
The Soviet Union occupies the Baltic States on June 14–18, engineering Communist coup d’états in each of them on July 14–15, and then annexing them as Soviet Republics on August 3–6.
July 10, 1940–October 31, 1940
The air war known as the Battle of Britain ends in defeat for Nazi Germany.
August 30, 1940
Second Vienna Award: Germany and Italy arbitrate a decision on the division of the disputed province of Transylvania between Romania and Hungary. The loss of northern Transylvania forces Romanian King Carol to abdicate in favor of his son, Michael, and brings to power a dictatorship under General Ion Antonescu.
There we go. So there is all the information about the date just so you can follow the story. You'll also need to know that the Zauberkunst (magic in German) Private Academy is in Germany. Most of the people that attend there are either very proud of the war or want to fight against it.
But Polish, French, British and Romanian and anyone else that Germany is against students are still able to attend the school due to the Casters power over the government (The Repusenative for the Casters of Germany secretively allows this). The Zauberkunst Private Academy just wants more students, the head master believes in a kind of legend like thing were someone 'left on the outskirts, not meant to be' will end the horror. That this person will end the war with peace, and make the world ever more beautiful.
Humis family mansion is located in Bordeaux France (near the Garonne River in South Western France) Though the actual train station doesn't exist to transport people from Bordeaux to Bamberg Germany but oh well, they can't FLY UPON A MAGICAL ARDVARK IN SPARKLES AND APEAR THERE HAPPILY~ But I sure did put ALOT of work into this so far. Like, you guys have noooo idea. I had to apply reality into this fantasy story so props to myself!
Any questions? Add a comment, thank you~
~Nya
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Friday, March 8, 2013
A school project I had a while back
Sweden 1861
Jolene pulled
her long waves
of dust blonde
hair into a
loose ribbon and
glanced in the
mirror to her
reflection. She looked rather
dull, wearing a tattered navy blue button up
dress with a neglected un-ironed collar. She
laced up her brown leather work boots and
stepped back to
once again examine herself.
Jolene
had pale skin and soft blonde hair as
everyone else in
the harbor did.
She would miss this place, this was her home. Nothing could ever
replace the smell of the sea in the early morning sunrise. Or the stories told by
Oma and Oppa by
the fire in
the evening.
But
America had opportunity, and freedom. Papa wouldn’t
have to work
in the harbor
anymore, he would
go out to
sea on long
fishing trips not
to return for
months. Often bearing few fish to show for it.
Today Jolene
and Ivy were
meeting at the
line of the
woods for Josephine’s
last day here.
Jo sighed and
left her thoughts
still hanging in
the air. She then found
her mother in the kitchen
chopping vegetables
for supper. She looked up.
“Where ye be off to eh?” Mother asked.
“The woods with Ivy mum.” Jolene
replied.
Jolene mother paused,
laid the
knife down the
knife and whipping
her hands on
her apron. “Back by dark deary.” Mother finally said. “Will
do mum.” Jo called.
That doesn’t give her much time. She strode swiftly toward the door and threw
it open. As soon as the massive
door clanked shut,
Jolene found herself sprinting
for the woods. The
brisk Autumn air hit
her face and
she smiled at
the cool feeling
of it. The scenery was all a
blur. She felt her hair unwinding itself from the
ribbon. Listening to the rapid thumping of her heartbeat.
She passed the corner into the wheat field.
The line
of the forest
was near, and she
saw the vibrant
yellow dress which
was Ivy’s. She always wore her hair in two chestnut
braids. Ivy smiled as Jolene met with her.
“Why’d you run?” Asked Ivy.
“I
have till dark” Jolene
huffed “ and I didn’t want
you waiting too long” catching
her breathe.
Ivy laughed “Too late! Let’s go by
the creek and hunt for salamanders!”
Once at the creek they both sat
on a large
rock by it .
The water sprinkled the reflection of the falling sun
over every ripple , gold
flecks sparkling every which
way.
“Aye don’t be so quiet! I can’t take
it! Rawr!” Ivy roared and playfully punched Josephine.
“I know” Jo laughed at her friend’s
pain. Ivy laughed along. “How is yeh mum?”
Jolene sucked in her breathe. “Not
well, we think she may be ill. She has to pass the health exams to stay or
they’ll deport her back.”
“Sounds awfully cruel. They can
cure her can’t
they?”
“They do try.” Jolene sighed. “I am
jealous Jo, I wish I could travel
wit chya. Darn we
wouldn’t have to
depend on postal
service t-” Ivy was
cut off.
Jo hopped off the rock. “You think
I want to leave!? I want to stay; I don’t
have any choice though!” Jolene exclaimed.
The wind rustled their skirts and tickled
their noses. The silence between them grew, the seconds passed slowly. Ivy broke the silence. “I’m sorry, I
didn’t mean it as if
you had a choice”
She looked apologetic up at her.
“No I’m sorry; I know you didn’t
mean it like that.” She looked down at Ivy.
She stood up and laid her hand gingerly on Jo’s shoulder.
“Jolene, you’ve been my friend since fourth
grade. We will be friends no matter the distance. And come on everything will
be alright, make new friends, have fun and have new experiences. I’ll always be
there. Just visit ok?!” Ivy said kindly.
Jolene
bit back tears
but when she
looked over at
her loving friend
her emotions poured out
uncontrollably and she
let them. Ivy gave her
great big hug. She looked
back at the
trees beyond the
rocks of the
creek and realized
that the sky
was darkening.
When her and Ivy waved
goodbye, she hoped and wished deep inside that it wouldn’t be the last time she
saw her dear friend.
*Six years later* Jolene walked out
of the small bakery with the brown paper bag in her hand full of bread for
supper. She squinted up into the mid afternoon
sky and smiled; distracted someone ran into her shoulder and bumped the bag out
of her arm and her to the ground. She
looked up puzzled. And then surprised and caught in disbelief. “Oh I’m so sorry
Mrs. I did not mean to-“ her dear friend
was standing over her, a puzzled look an then it hit them both…
Gatos Confessions
I thought that lately everything was getting so much better.
And it was, but to be honest everything came back.
Nothings good anymore.
I hate to say it, but I'm not alright anymore.
I don't want to have to fake smiles anymore.
Or be a door mat for people to stop on.
To put it in poetic terms I'd say I'm drowning,
I'm falling hard into myself.
It was bad enough I had to deal with 'it' but now
Now its fucking back.
I'm too afraid to ask for help.
My friends are so wonderful.
They don't need to deal with this.
But I think they'll read this anyways.
So at least I got my point across.
I don't want my friend Kibum to worry about me anymore. Hes already done so much and been stepped on so much. I feel like I need to be his umbrella.
But whats an umbrella with a leak?
I want help.
Does anyone know where I can talk to professional help for free?
I don't need to destroy myself any longer.
If any of my friends are reading this, act as though you didn't ok?
And it was, but to be honest everything came back.
Nothings good anymore.
I hate to say it, but I'm not alright anymore.
I don't want to have to fake smiles anymore.
Or be a door mat for people to stop on.
To put it in poetic terms I'd say I'm drowning,
I'm falling hard into myself.
It was bad enough I had to deal with 'it' but now
Now its fucking back.
I'm too afraid to ask for help.
My friends are so wonderful.
They don't need to deal with this.
But I think they'll read this anyways.
So at least I got my point across.
I don't want my friend Kibum to worry about me anymore. Hes already done so much and been stepped on so much. I feel like I need to be his umbrella.
But whats an umbrella with a leak?
I want help.
Does anyone know where I can talk to professional help for free?
I don't need to destroy myself any longer.
If any of my friends are reading this, act as though you didn't ok?
Breaking Fate Chapter 2
"Humi, I know it hurts now, but it'll get a lot better from here I promise." Maria cooed to the young girl, trying to be gentil as the needle pricked the girls arm, making her wince slightly.
"See? All done! You made it Humi, you're so strong" Maria cheered. Humi was on new medication for the newest desease she had to battle. Her vision dulled, head swayed dizzily and she tried to focus on Maria but there was two of her. The medication always made her like this, a zombie chained to a hospital bed. Humi couldn't see Maria too well but the sound of her quivering voice told her she was choking up tears.
"Thanks Maria...I'll be ok now..." said the weak, pale girl, trying to ease her troubled friend. She felt her hand being squeezed gingerly and she brought the corners of her lips up into a reasuring grin. Marias heart always aked seeing Humi so helpless. But she had to smiled, not to dampen Humis spirit.
"Maria, when will this be over?" Maria bit her lip.
"You know, it may be tough now. But someday you'll get out of here and become an amazing Caster like your mother was." her head was roaming with thoughts of Humis mother, each memory held a meaning she brought deep to her heart. Maria wasn't only Humis nurse, maid, chef, teacher and only friend. She had been her Mothers childhood friend too. That is, before her mother died.
The little girl processed this. "I don't know how to become a Caster Maria, being so sick all the time I probley couldn't anyways."
Marias eyebrows creased with concern before she got up off the bed and walked out of the room. When she returned she held a huge leather bound book, the size of a chest. Plopping the enormous book on the table next to her she waved Humi to open it. Humi looked over it, taking in every detail of the cover, leather straps held the book firmly, the actual colour of the book was a swamp water green, scratched and faded with age. Reaching a hand to unbuckle the book she felt a sharp sting shoot up her arm and she retracted it quickly looking over at Maria with a puzzled look.
"Oh oh oooh~ you can't just take off the binds dear, if you could do that then anybody, even humans could look at your Casting book." She chided. Humi made a pouty face. "Then why'd you tell me to open it?" Maria giggled sweetly. "The same thing happend to your mum when she first opened it. Because first you have to be ready to take in all you read from this book." sitting next to Humi in the bed, Maris layed the book upon her lap.
"Your mother, when she first received this book, every page was empty. You know why?" She questioned.
"Becaaause..." Humi paused. "They didn't put her spells in there yet?"
She shook her head at the girls answer. "They aren't called spells Humi. The things in here tell you how to unleash the power that's already inside you, Literally! When your ready enough, a new page in the book will grant itself to you. And that's why there were no 'Castrophs' in here when your mother first received it."
She blinked at Maria and then at her mothers Casting book thoughtfully. "How will I know if I'm ready?"
Maria chuckled and shook her head. "The first step is learning patience. Your heart may want to learn all it can but sometimes your body is... not ready yet."
A sigh came from Humis lips. She knew what Maria meant. She was too weak to handle it. But this didn't put her down, it made her even more determined than ever. Weeks after that day Humi completed simple physical tasks like walking and picking up books, something she couldn't normally do before. Maria kept Humi enthusiastic and looking forward to waking up each morning. Though she wasn't authorized to Madame Maria taught Humi the basic things she needed to know before she could open her mothers book. But one day while Maria was out Humi took this as a chance to try opening the enormous book.
"HAH...AHH! M-Ma-Maria!!" Humi shrieked. Maria bursted through the door and to her surprise and utter horror Humi and the book were lifted from the ground in one of the mansions huge libraries, a looming green glow luminated the entire room, and Humis arms and legs. Dark Caster texts from the book were crawling up her limbs, turning her hair from the silky black it was, into an almost white pigment. Humi didn't mean this to happen at all, she only wanted to become like her mother. But this chain of events even startled Maria, normally the book would fly open and the reader would be so thrilled, nothing about Humi was evil or uncertain but why was the book reacting this way?
The text kept flowing into her body, Maria attempted to step forward but the green erry glow acted as a shield, counter acting any of the Casts Maria striked at it. One more burst of blinding light blasted a gust of wind through out the room and everything was still. Once the dust cleared the maid crawled toward Humi, sweat beads dripping down her brow she turned the limp body over to reveal her face. Tears were twinkling down her cheeks, her new white hair stuck to her face from sweat and her breaths were uneven. Humis eyes were filled with trauma.
"What happened Humi?! What did you do?!" Maria panicked, holding the girl in her arms.
Her body shook like a leaf and she stuttered, staring into space as she spoke. "I-I-I pulled one strap, then the other....when I opened it... it was blank, just as you had said. But then t-the letters appeared. I don't know w-what happened."
The light peeled her eyes open. Surroundings were not that of the mansions library, but the train. She was dreaming of the first time she opened the her mothers Casting book. She looked down at her makeshift bag pillow, bolting in a sitting position her hands scrambled through the bag and pulled out the book. She sighed, relieved it was still safe and hugged it to her chest. Too distracted by a sneeze to think about what this dream meant she looked up to see a boy her age, with curly chestnut hair like cork screws. Freckles scattered his nose and cheeks, wire glasses covered his matching chestnut eyes as he looked curiously over to her. If only she knew how important this first encounter is to her future...
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Gatos thoughts 4
I'm not letting this slip away. No I will not see this crumble, a bond between two close friends, I can't let it break before me and not do anything to stop it. You two know who you are. This may come off as harsh but I need to say this because I know no one else will.
Snap the fuck out of it. You two have become too close to just let everything break over something so trivial like a club. I know it has become more than that, but you guys have to think. In ten years will I regret my decision to push her away? Or will I just forget about it and move on, and I know the answer is clear because I am not letting you guys just let go. Too many wonderful things in my life have crumbled to pieces and I couldn't put them back together again and I will not stand to see it happen once more. You both mean a lot to me. (code name is T, I don't want to throw out names on the Internet) T, I just got to know you really well and I'm so glad I got the opportunity to get closer to you :) Me and you connect on a lot of levels.
And M, I feel like between seventh and eighth grade we grew apart and that I think made me really terribly sad. You're like a little sister to me. Though at times I swear you have surpassed my level in maturity! So dont let what happened to me and you to T, we grew apart and I could feel myself only wanting to fell back into place but I couldnt. I wont stand to see a friendship like yours and T's to end :)
Snap the fuck out of it. You two have become too close to just let everything break over something so trivial like a club. I know it has become more than that, but you guys have to think. In ten years will I regret my decision to push her away? Or will I just forget about it and move on, and I know the answer is clear because I am not letting you guys just let go. Too many wonderful things in my life have crumbled to pieces and I couldn't put them back together again and I will not stand to see it happen once more. You both mean a lot to me. (code name is T, I don't want to throw out names on the Internet) T, I just got to know you really well and I'm so glad I got the opportunity to get closer to you :) Me and you connect on a lot of levels.
And M, I feel like between seventh and eighth grade we grew apart and that I think made me really terribly sad. You're like a little sister to me. Though at times I swear you have surpassed my level in maturity! So dont let what happened to me and you to T, we grew apart and I could feel myself only wanting to fell back into place but I couldnt. I wont stand to see a friendship like yours and T's to end :)
Monday, March 4, 2013
Gatos thoughts 3
Today at school there was a big meeting with all the eighth graders going into high school about the classes they'd like to take, the units they need to get a diploma and grades yada yada~
Well I KNOW I shall be taking Orchestra but that's about it really. There are three periods open for electives, so I'm debating between Introduction to Computer Graphics, Journalism 1 and French 2 (I think I'll be taking French 1 though for the sake of me and being with my friend who will be taking it for the first time) So I have a lot to think about and the form is due March eighth (four more days to think about it)
*Sigh* Its been stressing me out little, all the pressure of getting good scores for my high school transcript so my college application will be gleaming and no one could turn me down :) I'm shooting for an honors diploma (GPA of 3.5 or above) so that this can happen but the pressure still weighs heavily on my mind. Good grades are the key to a better future so I must work my butt off now so later on I can enjoy life a lot better. To start with all this I have to start from scratch, push all the drama from my life to the side and out of the way so there is nothing stopping me from my school work. Two, I'll need to be positive, a positive attitude leads to a positive view on my school work. Thus making me look more forward to going to school instead of dreading it and getting worse grades. I think you understand. Basically and simply if you enjoy something you'll want to excel at it wont you? Yes :)
This summer I'd love to spend hiking through the woods with my best friends, shooting my bow, updating my Role Play and making wonderful memories. And I will, but I've encouraged myself to attend a summer school. Not because my grades are bad but so when I go into high school I know I'll be ready for all the work and pressure that comes along with it. But I have a horrible habit of making big huge plans and then opping out on them or pushing them aside. Working on that will be big for me, if I go into high school with an attitude like that then I am sure to have a bad college year as well.
I don't want to be too hard on myself but if I don't push myself forward than no one will. My mother has proved to be less than apathetic and I really have no one else there for my. Jon, my ex step dad has been there for me more than anyone in my life, more than my actual birth parents combined actually. That's what stresses me out a lot too, I realize how alone and small I am in the world when I look at the people around me. Oh well though, I've gotten past that.
I just looked into summer camp, $2000 dollars for three months of academic summer camp :O I'm horrified! It just seems like every time I put my heart into something, one way or another it gets screwed up. Everything up till now has proven so. Not everyone gets that picture perfect life, but when they do they can't appreciate it because everything is handed to them and their just used to it. That's what I've come to conclude really.
Well theres another Gatos thoughts for today, I shall be working on my second chapter of Breaking Fate. CYA!~~~~
Well I KNOW I shall be taking Orchestra but that's about it really. There are three periods open for electives, so I'm debating between Introduction to Computer Graphics, Journalism 1 and French 2 (I think I'll be taking French 1 though for the sake of me and being with my friend who will be taking it for the first time) So I have a lot to think about and the form is due March eighth (four more days to think about it)
*Sigh* Its been stressing me out little, all the pressure of getting good scores for my high school transcript so my college application will be gleaming and no one could turn me down :) I'm shooting for an honors diploma (GPA of 3.5 or above) so that this can happen but the pressure still weighs heavily on my mind. Good grades are the key to a better future so I must work my butt off now so later on I can enjoy life a lot better. To start with all this I have to start from scratch, push all the drama from my life to the side and out of the way so there is nothing stopping me from my school work. Two, I'll need to be positive, a positive attitude leads to a positive view on my school work. Thus making me look more forward to going to school instead of dreading it and getting worse grades. I think you understand. Basically and simply if you enjoy something you'll want to excel at it wont you? Yes :)
This summer I'd love to spend hiking through the woods with my best friends, shooting my bow, updating my Role Play and making wonderful memories. And I will, but I've encouraged myself to attend a summer school. Not because my grades are bad but so when I go into high school I know I'll be ready for all the work and pressure that comes along with it. But I have a horrible habit of making big huge plans and then opping out on them or pushing them aside. Working on that will be big for me, if I go into high school with an attitude like that then I am sure to have a bad college year as well.
I don't want to be too hard on myself but if I don't push myself forward than no one will. My mother has proved to be less than apathetic and I really have no one else there for my. Jon, my ex step dad has been there for me more than anyone in my life, more than my actual birth parents combined actually. That's what stresses me out a lot too, I realize how alone and small I am in the world when I look at the people around me. Oh well though, I've gotten past that.
I just looked into summer camp, $2000 dollars for three months of academic summer camp :O I'm horrified! It just seems like every time I put my heart into something, one way or another it gets screwed up. Everything up till now has proven so. Not everyone gets that picture perfect life, but when they do they can't appreciate it because everything is handed to them and their just used to it. That's what I've come to conclude really.
Well theres another Gatos thoughts for today, I shall be working on my second chapter of Breaking Fate. CYA!~~~~
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Gatos thoughts 2
Sometimes i look at the people in my life and silently thank them for keeping me here. Not trying to sound pitiful or made up, but if it weren't for my friends making me smile, keeping me focused on whats real and on the brighter side then I would've ended myself. But now I look back on that as a page in my life I've come to surpass and I almost smile. I still go through tough things and it still hurts, trust me I stay strong but I know I'm fragile. But as Megu quoted, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" so my only hope is that I become stronger through my struggles. I mean who doesn't?
Realizing that a new chapter is being written though is scary, I feel like I'll become less and less to my friends, I just want a stable living environment and positive home life. Me and friend were talking about that the other day. If we had children (me and her want to adopt :) then how would we parent them? Well those re the quitys I want most for my children. A big house, safe neighborhood and nice adult friends I can depend on (Maegan, Jen, Tori, Shelby and Andi for sure :) Getting them into an instrument soon in life would be a plus I know I would've loved to start my cello sooner, maybe age eight at the least and age ten at the most. Music is my way of getting away, like taking a vacation from my life.
Well there I go for today, count on these posts being longer and longer though~
Realizing that a new chapter is being written though is scary, I feel like I'll become less and less to my friends, I just want a stable living environment and positive home life. Me and friend were talking about that the other day. If we had children (me and her want to adopt :) then how would we parent them? Well those re the quitys I want most for my children. A big house, safe neighborhood and nice adult friends I can depend on (Maegan, Jen, Tori, Shelby and Andi for sure :) Getting them into an instrument soon in life would be a plus I know I would've loved to start my cello sooner, maybe age eight at the least and age ten at the most. Music is my way of getting away, like taking a vacation from my life.
Well there I go for today, count on these posts being longer and longer though~
Saturday, March 2, 2013
My Role play site
I like to RP as Kpop members mostly. Normally as yaoi or yuri :)
This is my top Role playing site
recently I've been RPing in a hetalia RP as Spain and Holy Roman Empire and It's been going really well :)
This is my top Role playing site
recently I've been RPing in a hetalia RP as Spain and Holy Roman Empire and It's been going really well :)
Kats thoughts 1
This part of my blog will be about the things I think about throughout my day, my deepest thoughts my most sad thoughts my angry thoughts and confused, all here.
To begin this I'll note that right now in my life I'm in a very confused state of mind. Like why did god put my here in life? But I don't want to shed you of your spirits, I'd rather smile and forget the past than sulk over it all. I've been through a lot but I wouldn't for a second think that it makes me any weaker, only stronger :)
I hope that who ever you are who might maybe see this, that you believe in that as much as I do :) Everyone, no matter who cruel or mean, deserve nothing but happiness. It's just that when people get too much they might get carried away and make bad decisions. Lately my best friend and another girl I know...kind of well, have been fighting a little.
Me and my best buddy think that the other girl is using my buddy as an outlet to get attention For example, she can't go a week without a boyfriend or else she'll 'relapse' and cut herself. Well then she flaunts her scars to get attention which she has been getting a lot of lately but when my buddy does nothing but worry for her and take care of her and try to listen, and then treats my buddy like a jerk... BIIIIIIG PROBLEM.
Also, besides treating my buddy like a jerk she just loves to ignore her until she wants to use her again. I'm tired of the people I care about going through stuff like this. That girl is manipulating her and everyone around her. It just makes me really angry. Because my buddy is doing so much for her. There are people that are actually going through really horrible things that would be so grateful for someone like my buddy, but instead this girl needs her spot light and does terrible things to get it. I cant believe there are such horrible people in this world.
Well that concludes today's KT so before I tear someones head off, fare well :)
To begin this I'll note that right now in my life I'm in a very confused state of mind. Like why did god put my here in life? But I don't want to shed you of your spirits, I'd rather smile and forget the past than sulk over it all. I've been through a lot but I wouldn't for a second think that it makes me any weaker, only stronger :)
I hope that who ever you are who might maybe see this, that you believe in that as much as I do :) Everyone, no matter who cruel or mean, deserve nothing but happiness. It's just that when people get too much they might get carried away and make bad decisions. Lately my best friend and another girl I know...kind of well, have been fighting a little.
Me and my best buddy think that the other girl is using my buddy as an outlet to get attention For example, she can't go a week without a boyfriend or else she'll 'relapse' and cut herself. Well then she flaunts her scars to get attention which she has been getting a lot of lately but when my buddy does nothing but worry for her and take care of her and try to listen, and then treats my buddy like a jerk... BIIIIIIG PROBLEM.
Also, besides treating my buddy like a jerk she just loves to ignore her until she wants to use her again. I'm tired of the people I care about going through stuff like this. That girl is manipulating her and everyone around her. It just makes me really angry. Because my buddy is doing so much for her. There are people that are actually going through really horrible things that would be so grateful for someone like my buddy, but instead this girl needs her spot light and does terrible things to get it. I cant believe there are such horrible people in this world.
Well that concludes today's KT so before I tear someones head off, fare well :)
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