I showed my other side that I didn't even know existed. I snapped on this girl that has been causing many problems for me and my friends. I never knew how mean and aggressive I could get until I started talking to her last night.
I had been dealing with her being so mean, under bearing, apathetic and rude for so long. I'd been so patient with her and then out of the blue. I have become stronger with this but it really came as a shock to me how mean I sounded. I almost like it though because it shows that i can fight for something I believe in now and that I am stronger than I used to be. I just hope I become stronger with each thing I over come instead of crumble. I will NOT let myself come this far to let something tear me down any longer.
Friday, March 29, 2013
Breaking Fate Chapter 4
"Good night Friedrick. Sleep well." Humi chirped. "You too Humi." Friedrick hummed in return, nuzzling the thin white sheet closer to his chin and turned his back to her. The train continued to trek down the tracks, trudging closer and closer to Humi's unknown fate.
She struggled to sleep, her mind was cluttered with thoughts of what the next day would hold for her. Maria, she missed her. Right about now Maria would always tuck her in warmly, then she would tell her stories and old legends. She fondly remembered one about a Queen from long ago. She loved her husband very much. But the evil King from far away yearned for her, lusted for her beauty. he entire kingdom did what it could to protect her. They put her in a glass ball to protect her but ended up weakening the poor Queens heart. Seeing her people fight for her made her feel helpless. Thus the queen made a secret deal with the King of the darkness. Take her and her heart, leave her people at peace.
Humi tried to envision the queen, and the people. The King must have been so sad, tears always welled up in her eyes when Maria told her the tail again and again at her request.She let a sigh
escape her as she turned to face the door and her mind flourished and pondered.
Crystal white snow hugged her toes like a blanket, a shiver trickled up Humi's spine but she ambled forth through the thickly scattered trees of a fairy tail like forest. The glowing moon light luminated her way, her way to who knows where. Moon guiding, it was her force, her will to find what was pulling her forward. This place almost seemed familiar, like a long forgotten memory locked away in a dusty attic, awaiting to be remembered. But this memory kept going on and on and had its own aura that made her want to run away from it. She searched for the reason she was brought her until her curious eyes shined upon the sight of a particular glow in the distance. Humi halted her steps and stared back at the soft green glow that bobbed in the air patiently. The odd feeling of eyes on her irked her and she found herself walking toward it, then breaking into a run. She ran as fast as her legs would carry her but the soft glow bolted away, teasing her. A game of tag!
Nearing the burst of light she leaped for it eagerly, being pulled into its gravitational pull she was plucked off the ground and her body was carried along side the strange being. Her eyes were filled with wonder, but fear under lied her emotions. Humi pushed back the emotion and reached her arm out to touch the oddly welcoming thing. It almost had a heart beat, the steady rhythm of warmth within it grew the longer her hand was placed there. Humis eyes only grew more curious and without restraint placed her other hand into the light.
Humi never felt so warm, the glowing orbs light bursted open like an egg, cracking at the edges and falling to the ground. What was left though Humi could now see that she held a black cat. Its gold eyes flickered with flecks of green up at Humi and her mocha brown eyes flickered back. When Humi tried to pull the cat into her shoulder to hold it the cat hissed and pounced into her chest, falling into her body and disappearing inside her. She felt like liquid fire, the soft green glow became her, her body throbbed with fire and feverish movements. Where had that cat gone?! Is it- inside of me? She clutched her chest and searched it more the small black cat. Wake up.... wake up Humi...
Upon peeling her eyes open she flinched in her bed, looking around her surroundings she found herself to still be in her train cart room, Friedrick across her in his small bunk still snuggled up in his slumber.
What was that all? That bolt of light had some kind... and the black cat! Then the never ending pouring warmth that wrapped itself around you snug like a blanket but held hard like a viper on its next victim. She looked down at her chest but no black cat was nuzzled against it Did this mean something? Humi disregarded these thoughts as the intercom buzzed to life.
"We have made it into Bamberge Germany folks! We're just half an hour from the next station. We hope you enjoy the complementary breakfast in the main hall." Bzzt, the intercom shut off, ending its message.
"We are almost there....Friedrick wake up!" She softy shook him awake. He turned to her and rubbed his eyes dazily.
"Mhhh?" He groaned, plucking the glasses off the small night stand and fixed them onto the bridge of his nose. "We're almost there, and there is breakfast if you want some."
Friedrick didn't seem like a glutenous pig, but at the sound of food he bolted up and grinned.
"Damn I am hungry! Vat's for breakfast?!" Friedrick seemed awfully excited for a mere meal but Humi was happy never the less. Maybe...Germans just like their food?
The two got dressed, Humi in the room, Friedrick in the bathroom and both made their way down to the main room of the elaborate train cart. Friedrick was almost guessing the meal by sniffing the air attentively. She chuckled and walked along side him, the dream hung on her like a sickness. Push it away Humi you have too much to be thankful for up till now.
The assortment of biscuits, croissants, soups, sausages, fruit, steamed veggies, yogurts were definitely enough to satisfy a giant but Friedrick made a pouty face at his plate. "Vhere is the meat? There's only sausage! No German sausage at that!"
"Oh yes that reminds me, you're German yes?" Humi asked calmly.
"Mhh? Vhy yes I am! I was lucky to get into France without an issue, but because I am attending the academy they saw me as an exception to the 'ne bon pas personnes' so I was able to cross the border." He explained as he plucked a sausage up with his fork and looked at it dully.
This translated in French to, 'not good people' France added a new law outlawing 'no goods' being the Germans because they were at war with them. Humi knew enough about the war to at least know this.
"What were you doing in France?" "I some relatives there, they moved before the war. They just needed some help before I left because...well my grandpa died. But it's ok now! They're all fine!" He waved his hands ease her worry. But now that she thought about it she's never lost someone before. She never met her mother, she died giving birth to her. She looked down at her food, she had lost her appetite.
"I'm sorry to hear that. Please excuse me." Picking up her plate she walked off to return it to the kitchen. How was she to understand people if she never did understand from the start? Oh well, we can't let this stop me from making my new life. She'd just have to let 'everything fall into place' as Maria said many times to her.
She struggled to sleep, her mind was cluttered with thoughts of what the next day would hold for her. Maria, she missed her. Right about now Maria would always tuck her in warmly, then she would tell her stories and old legends. She fondly remembered one about a Queen from long ago. She loved her husband very much. But the evil King from far away yearned for her, lusted for her beauty. he entire kingdom did what it could to protect her. They put her in a glass ball to protect her but ended up weakening the poor Queens heart. Seeing her people fight for her made her feel helpless. Thus the queen made a secret deal with the King of the darkness. Take her and her heart, leave her people at peace.
Humi tried to envision the queen, and the people. The King must have been so sad, tears always welled up in her eyes when Maria told her the tail again and again at her request.She let a sigh
escape her as she turned to face the door and her mind flourished and pondered.
Crystal white snow hugged her toes like a blanket, a shiver trickled up Humi's spine but she ambled forth through the thickly scattered trees of a fairy tail like forest. The glowing moon light luminated her way, her way to who knows where. Moon guiding, it was her force, her will to find what was pulling her forward. This place almost seemed familiar, like a long forgotten memory locked away in a dusty attic, awaiting to be remembered. But this memory kept going on and on and had its own aura that made her want to run away from it. She searched for the reason she was brought her until her curious eyes shined upon the sight of a particular glow in the distance. Humi halted her steps and stared back at the soft green glow that bobbed in the air patiently. The odd feeling of eyes on her irked her and she found herself walking toward it, then breaking into a run. She ran as fast as her legs would carry her but the soft glow bolted away, teasing her. A game of tag!
Nearing the burst of light she leaped for it eagerly, being pulled into its gravitational pull she was plucked off the ground and her body was carried along side the strange being. Her eyes were filled with wonder, but fear under lied her emotions. Humi pushed back the emotion and reached her arm out to touch the oddly welcoming thing. It almost had a heart beat, the steady rhythm of warmth within it grew the longer her hand was placed there. Humis eyes only grew more curious and without restraint placed her other hand into the light.
Humi never felt so warm, the glowing orbs light bursted open like an egg, cracking at the edges and falling to the ground. What was left though Humi could now see that she held a black cat. Its gold eyes flickered with flecks of green up at Humi and her mocha brown eyes flickered back. When Humi tried to pull the cat into her shoulder to hold it the cat hissed and pounced into her chest, falling into her body and disappearing inside her. She felt like liquid fire, the soft green glow became her, her body throbbed with fire and feverish movements. Where had that cat gone?! Is it- inside of me? She clutched her chest and searched it more the small black cat. Wake up.... wake up Humi...
Upon peeling her eyes open she flinched in her bed, looking around her surroundings she found herself to still be in her train cart room, Friedrick across her in his small bunk still snuggled up in his slumber.
What was that all? That bolt of light had some kind... and the black cat! Then the never ending pouring warmth that wrapped itself around you snug like a blanket but held hard like a viper on its next victim. She looked down at her chest but no black cat was nuzzled against it Did this mean something? Humi disregarded these thoughts as the intercom buzzed to life.
"We have made it into Bamberge Germany folks! We're just half an hour from the next station. We hope you enjoy the complementary breakfast in the main hall." Bzzt, the intercom shut off, ending its message.
"We are almost there....Friedrick wake up!" She softy shook him awake. He turned to her and rubbed his eyes dazily.
"Mhhh?" He groaned, plucking the glasses off the small night stand and fixed them onto the bridge of his nose. "We're almost there, and there is breakfast if you want some."
Friedrick didn't seem like a glutenous pig, but at the sound of food he bolted up and grinned.
"Damn I am hungry! Vat's for breakfast?!" Friedrick seemed awfully excited for a mere meal but Humi was happy never the less. Maybe...Germans just like their food?
The two got dressed, Humi in the room, Friedrick in the bathroom and both made their way down to the main room of the elaborate train cart. Friedrick was almost guessing the meal by sniffing the air attentively. She chuckled and walked along side him, the dream hung on her like a sickness. Push it away Humi you have too much to be thankful for up till now.
The assortment of biscuits, croissants, soups, sausages, fruit, steamed veggies, yogurts were definitely enough to satisfy a giant but Friedrick made a pouty face at his plate. "Vhere is the meat? There's only sausage! No German sausage at that!"
"Oh yes that reminds me, you're German yes?" Humi asked calmly.
"Mhh? Vhy yes I am! I was lucky to get into France without an issue, but because I am attending the academy they saw me as an exception to the 'ne bon pas personnes' so I was able to cross the border." He explained as he plucked a sausage up with his fork and looked at it dully.
This translated in French to, 'not good people' France added a new law outlawing 'no goods' being the Germans because they were at war with them. Humi knew enough about the war to at least know this.
"What were you doing in France?" "I some relatives there, they moved before the war. They just needed some help before I left because...well my grandpa died. But it's ok now! They're all fine!" He waved his hands ease her worry. But now that she thought about it she's never lost someone before. She never met her mother, she died giving birth to her. She looked down at her food, she had lost her appetite.
"I'm sorry to hear that. Please excuse me." Picking up her plate she walked off to return it to the kitchen. How was she to understand people if she never did understand from the start? Oh well, we can't let this stop me from making my new life. She'd just have to let 'everything fall into place' as Maria said many times to her.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Cracked... Crumbled... Shattered...
They see a girl, a very happy girl
I see a secret, hidden beneath piles of smiles
No one can see, only my eyes can peek
No one will know, cause she will never show
They hear a laugh, a true and joyful laugh
I hear a scream, of terror and hidden dreams
If only they could see, but only my eyes can peek
The girls broken smile only
cracked...
crumbled.... shattered.....
They see a body, of the sad lonely girl
I see an angel, set free from the world
They walk away with tears, I with my own fears
The world became silent, with thoughts rambling violent
Under all the stars, nothing could hide the scars
Slicing away, blood stained the sheets
Feeding the monster, that will always eat
Inside her heart, she knew only one thing could there be to do
So she
cracked...
crumbled... shattered...
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
The meaning of life itself.
The reason we are here. Why and who decided to place me upon this Earth? The point in it all is still yet to be found, pondered upon for generations I don't think this question will ever sece to be asked. If we were put here merely to survive then I'd say we've surpassed that by far enough to look for another reason. Is it to make each other smile? Spread love and happiness across the world? Well, look around you. I think you're shaking your head because though we've made it this long together, we really are not together are we? Our society isn't made up of the people, it's the fake mind set that has been drilled into their minds. If only our society had a humanity could we rise from our fears and hold each other up as one people.
I remember one time, when I was a young child I asked, "Daddy what's the meaning of life?" Well all I can tell you is to put this pondering at ease. If our meaning were to find the meaning then I see no difference in just making one up and calling it a day. Things like religion may irk you to question even more. Putting your whole heart into a bible and a man you only believe in. But that amount of belief amazes me. It is the belief that makes religion so perplexing. That man would put his thoughts aside for something he didn't even know for a solid fact was true. To have the heart to never stop believing in this man and the cause he brought upon to you. I think this is just fascinating. I myself, wish to have such strong feelings in the subject. I have attended Cathedrals, churches, Masses, Bible studies but never found the spark I was looking for. I am not one to believe that science is all there is to us, something IS there but I don't feel it in a church or a bible.
I don't know what the meaning of this all is but I know that whatever this world offers I want to take all I can and give all I can to it. You know how at Christmas time, 'giving is better than receiving?' I think that applys to this subject too. Leaving something behind for someone else to be amazed about and ponder over sure is more rewarding than taking all the happiness for yourself. I wish that all this 'proud words' could summarize my personality. These thoughts of mine may give you the impression I'm a smart, well thought out, confident girl. These couldn't be any more untrue, I am a B average student, my mind is a jumbled mess. I only wish I could think straight sometimes and I'm about as confident as a turtle. But let me ask you this. If you look at anyone in history that has made a difference in the world. Did they have it all in school? Were they the most popular or most fit person? Or did they have all the newest, tresndyest clothing? I think not. Look as Roosevelt. He has crippled and in a wheel chair for much of his presidency and he made a huge difference in the world. Dealing with World War two, the hate from all that would bring any man down. Or Amelia Earhart, a woman flying a plane was unheard of until she dared to.
What do I believe in? Happiness. I want to spread smiles and share memories. But go find your own meaning to life and believe in it with your whole heart because life's too short to be half hearted.
I remember one time, when I was a young child I asked, "Daddy what's the meaning of life?" Well all I can tell you is to put this pondering at ease. If our meaning were to find the meaning then I see no difference in just making one up and calling it a day. Things like religion may irk you to question even more. Putting your whole heart into a bible and a man you only believe in. But that amount of belief amazes me. It is the belief that makes religion so perplexing. That man would put his thoughts aside for something he didn't even know for a solid fact was true. To have the heart to never stop believing in this man and the cause he brought upon to you. I think this is just fascinating. I myself, wish to have such strong feelings in the subject. I have attended Cathedrals, churches, Masses, Bible studies but never found the spark I was looking for. I am not one to believe that science is all there is to us, something IS there but I don't feel it in a church or a bible.
I don't know what the meaning of this all is but I know that whatever this world offers I want to take all I can and give all I can to it. You know how at Christmas time, 'giving is better than receiving?' I think that applys to this subject too. Leaving something behind for someone else to be amazed about and ponder over sure is more rewarding than taking all the happiness for yourself. I wish that all this 'proud words' could summarize my personality. These thoughts of mine may give you the impression I'm a smart, well thought out, confident girl. These couldn't be any more untrue, I am a B average student, my mind is a jumbled mess. I only wish I could think straight sometimes and I'm about as confident as a turtle. But let me ask you this. If you look at anyone in history that has made a difference in the world. Did they have it all in school? Were they the most popular or most fit person? Or did they have all the newest, tresndyest clothing? I think not. Look as Roosevelt. He has crippled and in a wheel chair for much of his presidency and he made a huge difference in the world. Dealing with World War two, the hate from all that would bring any man down. Or Amelia Earhart, a woman flying a plane was unheard of until she dared to.
What do I believe in? Happiness. I want to spread smiles and share memories. But go find your own meaning to life and believe in it with your whole heart because life's too short to be half hearted.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Hetalia FanFiction Chapter 2 (Fem! Usuk)
The light peeled her eyes open, irritably stinging them as she adjusted to the light. dazedly Alice peered around the room but there was no sign of Amelia anywhere. The dream was only that of her pleasant memory from the past. When Amelia looked up to Alice as if she were queen on Britain. A small sigh escaped her as she sat up in the enormous king size bed and turned to examine the clock on her night stand. It was four in the morning, she still had two hours before she was supposed to get ready and leave for breakfast in the dining hall.
Amelia... How long will I be able to take this before I just accept that.... I love you?
Alice pushed the thick blanket off her and shivered as she made her way to the bathroom to carry about her morning routine. She took great pride in organization. She had an easily accessible place for everything. Tooth brush, tooth paste, brush, hair bands, ribbons and clips, soap. And most important of all, her glasse- "WHERE ARE THEY!?"
Alice panicked, shifting furiously through her bag, binder, bathroom sink, they had been no where to be found. Frustrated, she hopped onto the bed to pout when she heard the sharp breaking of glass. Eyes wide, she froze in her spot. Slowly and hesitantly she lifted herself out of the bed and looked to the sheet and to her horror.... Two broken lenses scattered the sheet, adding to her horror there left a scratch on her elbow. Alice needed her glasses to see but now this was serious. BLOOD! The sight of blood made her noshes and her world spin. Alice left the lenses there and scrambled through the bathroom until she fell upon her old, Victorian styled pearl pink glasses. They were about six times the size of her eyes, giant and they made her look like an old woman. She slipped them on and examined the damage. If this were a silly cartoon the mirror would've shattered by now.
God... if you're punishing me.... consider yourself an accomplished man
Later that day she conjured enough courage to actually attend the breakfast. Much less leave her room. She tried to keep a poker face, and avoid any eye contact with any of her fellow peers. This was going to be a long day for Alice
Amelia... How long will I be able to take this before I just accept that.... I love you?
Alice pushed the thick blanket off her and shivered as she made her way to the bathroom to carry about her morning routine. She took great pride in organization. She had an easily accessible place for everything. Tooth brush, tooth paste, brush, hair bands, ribbons and clips, soap. And most important of all, her glasse- "WHERE ARE THEY!?"
Alice panicked, shifting furiously through her bag, binder, bathroom sink, they had been no where to be found. Frustrated, she hopped onto the bed to pout when she heard the sharp breaking of glass. Eyes wide, she froze in her spot. Slowly and hesitantly she lifted herself out of the bed and looked to the sheet and to her horror.... Two broken lenses scattered the sheet, adding to her horror there left a scratch on her elbow. Alice needed her glasses to see but now this was serious. BLOOD! The sight of blood made her noshes and her world spin. Alice left the lenses there and scrambled through the bathroom until she fell upon her old, Victorian styled pearl pink glasses. They were about six times the size of her eyes, giant and they made her look like an old woman. She slipped them on and examined the damage. If this were a silly cartoon the mirror would've shattered by now.
God... if you're punishing me.... consider yourself an accomplished man
Later that day she conjured enough courage to actually attend the breakfast. Much less leave her room. She tried to keep a poker face, and avoid any eye contact with any of her fellow peers. This was going to be a long day for Alice
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