human instincts #1

Humans are really just animals that never sees to keep learning, building, creating and destroying. We think of ourselves as a smarter being but when you look at the facts its quite obvious that we are as much a beast as a bear or a rabid dog. Shall we examine the physical attributes? Our hair for example is our `hide` in which we use to build our social status, further surviving and becoming top on the pyramid of power. Cooler you look the better your chance of surviving. On another note our `packs` or our friends, being in a pack is your best chance of surviving and just like different breeds of animals there are different types of people, nerds, jocks, populars, emos, and artists. Having no group is s no exception in this game of life we all fall into. Some rare few don't fit and look around, its true isn't it? They are the ones without a table to sit at, partner to work with or someone to giggle with. We have eyes but we are simply blind, torn from the image only to fall for the allusion that we ourselves have created.

 However this system of beliefs and standards does not seem to be at all changing and never will. All hail to the invisible ruler of our desitions, and let him forever push all chance of true self accomplishment. Further more this explains how when a he born lion cub doesn't abide by our packs standards it gets punished and banished from the group. We tell ourselves we would be there for them, that we are the ones who care for the weak but truth does not cover fact. Not doing anything for the lion cub is as murderous as banishing it yourself.

On to our next feature, emotions. If not for tears you could be with holding your emotions and later on out them at risk. A persons eyes are a gateway into their heart I once heard. Well I believe this is so. They say if you are lieing that your eyes twitch to the right because the right side of your brain holds all creativity and thus you are thinking for a clever excuse.

Thankful note #1

I'm thankful that me and Megu can relate on so many things. I've truthfully aways admired her and it meant a lot that she could understand what I was saying and feeling

My list of improvments

• Need to procrastinate less
• Stand up for myself more
• Study French more
• Practice cello at least two hours a day
• Be nicer to mom and she'll be nicer to me (mostly sorta pfft no)
• Be more conscientious at Jon's house
• Stop taking BS from people and give them a punch of my reality
• Stop being so shy, making friends is hard when you're shy and way out going like WTF
• PLAY TENNIS MOOOREEE LOLOLOLOLOL MEGU CHAN IS WAY AWESOME UGH I SUCK!!!
• Start Rick Rolling peoples minds

And there you have it if I had all this I think I'd be a better person and better to deal with ^-^

My birthday shall be so wonderful

Oh my god guys! Guess what I'm doing this year! It's better than any ipad or laptop or new clothes or gift card I could receive! This year on May 28th I'm going to go see Of Monsters and Men live at the LC in Columbus for my birthday with my mom or dad (still haven't chosen)

Oh my goodness talk about dreams coming true! Of Monsters and Men is my favorite band and will always be! I am squealing with joy in my heart right now! I sound so stupid, other kids would ask for a puppy (seriously Gato!? Best example?)  Or Ipads, bleh bleh bleh bleh BLEEEGH!!! >.<

NAH! I ask for tickets

like a BAU45 (pewdiepie reference)

My future self and my goal

         So my daddy is coming back this in July, and I am so relieved. I need him, all this stress and hard ship came after he left and all I want is someone who will always be there. He always supported me through out everything, he had a fondness for my art and anime. I think if he had been here for the last two year I would've been a lot better off but that's in any situation. 

            But I am not sad, I think that if I had not gone through these hardships then I would not have been carved into the person I am today. I would most likely be a selfish snob because nothing went wrong and I got everything I wanted. But for the sake of my future self I will tell you what I hope for my future to entail. 

            Living some where in Italy or France, I want to wake up to the sun shine streaming in through my windows with my special someone lying next to me. Our townhouse condo or house will be right on the street so I can walk out side and right down the block is a bakery where I could buy breakfast while my lovey is still asleep and leave it for him/her. Making my way toward the subway I greet many of my wonderful neighbors, piles of smiles as I make my way to my creative job. I do not let know what I want to be when I grow up, but my thoughts are here...

Editor 

Cellist

Analyst 

Councilor

Brain/hormone study scientist 

So une of those cinq careers really, I have too much to choose from it's so uuugh! Anyways lets move on~

          I want to look on each day with loyal morals and reality in the back of my mind about everything. I will never lie to myself, some people have a weird thing were they must tell themselves they are happy, or change their opinion to better their place in society. I don't need to better myself in any way other than being me. Lying to yourself is the worst thing you could do to yourself. But I do too often even now. I tell myself I wont let people step on my, that I will be bold enough to be better at being me but everyone shines brighter and my light flickers out. I guess it's something I'll have to grow into but even when I'm with my own friends its hard not to feel like I'm becoming invisible. Confidence is the key to not blipping out and I think I have it but I don't know. Either way you catch my drift, I want to be the person I never could be. As does everyone though.

   However I go on. I don't want to stay still though, I want to live some where for about a matter of a year to two years, from Italy to Chicago to South Korea and Canada. I think it's a simple dream in a way, I mean everyone wants to travel the word with the ones they love don't they? To experience new exciting cultures and be amazed every day. However, this is not just my dI might even have to fight for it but I KNOW I wont let anything stop me but myself. I know I deserve hapiness finally, if I couldn't have it now, then why wouldn't I be able to get it later? Don't worry be happy, you only live once so I want to make it count for once. ream, it's my life goal. I will work through all this garbage to get from here to that reality. I'll do whatever it takes. 

The feeling of being utterly useless will go away, my biggest fear and I think everyones fear is feeling like they don't matter to someone, but everyone needs to matter and fit in somewhere right? If there's anything you get out of me and my blog, please take with you the mind to know that you could never love someone too much. Show your affection as much as possible, some people need that extra push to believe that their actually lovable. And if you see someone hurting or on the side lines of a group event, don't assume their just alright. Bring them in as if it were you, you don't want to be left out do you? Nope.